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Eulogy for a Deli


ecmjrFacebook. Like it or not in this day and age it is the Rome from which all roads exit and enter.

It was on Facebook a few weeks ago that a conversation came up regarding favorite restaurants we never go to. Naturally everyone talked about a great place in another city, state, country, that enchanted them forever.

I had my own, I told everyone about it, only to get the news from those in the know that my favorite deli in the world had closed years before. Stage Deli was the loser in a “Deli War” I knew nothing about.

For more information on that, click this headline from the New York Times,

A Closing Ends an Era, and a Deli War

The following is not about that article, as I speak of my own experience.  So a moment of silence, please. This is my Eulogy for a Deli.

The last time I was in NYC, a friend tried to impress me with her city’s New York bagel.
It was just  freaking bagel, same as anywhere.
So she tried to impress me with her city’s dirtwater hotdogs.
Crap.
So she tried to impress me with an NYC pizza.
It was just a freaking pizza and I’d had better in Orlando, Chicago, Houston, even Tucson at a place called Mama’s Pizza.
Exasperated, my friend tried to impress me with an aged New York strip steak.
The stench of “aged meat” in that little restaurant made me gag.
She gave up, was more than a little piqued with me, and the next day at lunch we went to Stage Deli in Times Square. Our waiter was an old thin slice of a man with a crust around his edge.
Me: “What’s the special?”
Waiter: “Pastrami. It’s always pastrami.”
Me: “Fine, I’ll have that.”

O! M! G!

If ever there was a meal to fight for, it’s the pastrami sandwiches at Stage deli in NYC!

Our waiter was amused with how much I enjoyed the sandwich.  I ordered another before I started on the second half.

Me (to friend): “Damn! Why didn’t you bring me here first?”
Waiter (having no idea what transpired ): “Yeah! Why didn’t you bring him here first?”
Her (agog at my reaction, blurted): “Here? It’s just a fuckin’ deli!”

It felt like the whole little place stopped.

Waiter: “I’ll get your sandwich, sir.”
Me: “Uh, I don’t share her opinion.  You see that, right?”
Waiter waved my concern away with an expression that clearly meant, ‘Don’t give it a second thought.’

Waiter (to my friend ): “Will you be having anything else?”
Her (sheepishly ): “uh… no.”
Waiter: “That’s wise.”

Once the waiter was gone she leaned across the table and whispered, “You’re from Texas! You’re wearing that stupid hat (my Rodeo Brim was on the seat next to me)!  And everybody acts like you’re born here! What fucking gives?”

I had no answer, and I was too occupied with eating the best pastrami sandwich I’d ever known.

During my stay, there were other wonderful delis with fantastic sandwiches, but you never forget your first.

END


wb2016Don’t wait until I’m shut down before you mourn me. Mourn me now by buying my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more misery? Buy
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Glutton for punishment?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of ME, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

SYNDROME IS A CREEP


everythingnazi

Once we call everyone a NAZI…

Heh! Heh! Heh!

NO ONE IS!

Something to cheer you!


quarritch
We live as thieves and pirates because we destroyed our ability to create. We wiped the best and brightest from our world with fear and fire a long time ago, and there’s no point in looking back.

Now we’ve come to your world in search of resources, for we’ve lost the ability to create our own. Yet here we find that there is not enough to justify our journey: still, we shall take them anyway so you cannot have them.

My people are dying. There were more scientific advancements in the first 25 years of the 21st century than in the last 2 centuries since.

Since the 19th century we have been aware of the viability of fusion power, yet over 400 years later have still not solved its riddle. Because we worship instead of reason, oppress instead of uplift, war instead of build, we still do not know how to harness the power of our own sun, which expends more energy in a single second than entirety of all life on my planet has used up to this moment.

We passed three other stars to get here, so we do not come here to survive. We come here for the only purpose we embrace: bitterness, bigotry, rage, and jealousy. We claim that our strike against you is preemptive, though at your primitive level it took my kind tens of thousands of years to reach the point where you see us now.

That is our terror, that you will surpass us in mere centuries instead of hundreds of millennia. We kill what scares us and we will kill you and each other if it means the very last of us can stand over the dead and rule them.

This is our pride, this is us spitting into the face of a God we created to spite the legend and ourselves, for we have nothing else, and now know we never will.

War was, is, and always will be our angry, jealous God.

SYNDROME IS A CREEP


everythingsexist

Once we label everything as sexist…

Heh! Heh! Heh!

NOTHING IS!

SYNDROME IS A CREEP


everythingracist

Once we label everything as racist…

Heh! Heh! Heh!

NOTHING IS!

Gumball Really?


Roy Beck is actually against legal immigration. Legal Immigration. Why? Because Legal Immigration (unlike Open Borders) takes in the Best and Brightest from the world.

Oh yeah, we can’t have that.

As you’d expect, Roy Beck takes the easiest, laziest route by identifying the problem that everyone else is already aware of. And he does it with Brightly Colored Candy (Bright Colors and Sweeties holds the attention of the rubes)! As always, Roy disregards the hard part: a solution.

Roy Beck’s gumball show, like Al Gore’s slideshow, is the man’s vaudeville shtick, and he’s been doing some form of it for about the last 30 years (this one is from 2010, updated from his 1996 video). You would think after Three Long Decades, Roy could have figured out something, “Anything” that would lend credence to his glib summation at the end.

Some people are calling this “Brilliant”, but even Roy admits that he originally created it to hold the attention of a 7th grade level of children. When Roy gives this presentation to adults, he is literally talking to them as if they were inexperienced kids. This demonstration was created for immature children who have no real world experience or the wisdom that comes from engaging with life.

“I developed the presentation after being invited to talk to my son’s 7th grade class about immigration. I looked for a way to easily communicate proportionality in a visual way.”
– Roy Beck, NumbersUSA

You would think that after Three Long Decades, Roy could have inspired at least six people (I’m only asking for one person every five years here), to form a think tank that could figure out the solution that Roy Beck can not. Maybe the solution doesn’t exist, or maybe the people who could think of one haven’t immigrated here yet. Or maybe they have legally immigrated here but Roy doesn’t want to talk to them, because gumballs.

The #1 reason legal immigrants come here is because the U.S. has opportunities that their own countries do not – and will never have.

What kind of difference do we expect a brilliant, but lower caste, woman engineer to make in India?

What kind of difference do we expect a poor non-Muslim man to make in Iran? Syria? Lebanon? DuBai?

What kind of difference do we expect a brilliant but poor Muslim man with three daughters and no sons to make in Iraq? Afghanistan? Pakistan? Palestine? Egypt? Turkey?

What kind of difference do we expect a poor single mother with children to make in Mexico? Honduras? Congo? Belize? Brazil? Columbia? Cuba?

What kind of difference do we expect a poor single mother with child to make in China?  Indonesia? Nigeria? Ethiopia? Sudan?

In impoverished countries, the best and brightest don’t rule the nation and have no opportunity to actively participate in their nation building. In impoverished nations, the wealthiest, most vicious, most bloodthirsty, most competitively narcissistic rule.

In impoverished nations, the absolute best the “Best Agents of Change” in that country can do is legally immigrate to America. Which is why they do that. Which is how the United States of America was created in the first damn place. Not because it’s the easiest way, but because there is no other way.

Enjoy the gumball video.

REMEMBER WHEN TEACHERS USED TO SAY…


teachers

Remember when teachers used to say ‘You won’t have a calculator everywhere you go.’ Well, we showed them.

Remember when teachers used to say, “Did you bring enough for everybody?”

Me: ‘My parents can’t afford a notebook for everybody!’
Teacher: ‘No, I meant your-‘
Me: ‘Or pencils. Come on, Mrs. Foresmo! Why should my folks be the ones who supply my whole class?’
Teacher: I’m talking about-‘
Me: ‘I have enough paper for everyone, but my own supply is going to go real quick.’
Teacher: ‘Feo, you know what I’m-‘
Me: ‘We’re kinda scraping by, why should we have to supply everyone else?’
Teacher: ‘THE CANDY! YOUR CANDY!’
Me: ‘My Squirrel Nut Zippers!’
Teacher: ‘YES! Your Squirrel-! …Your candy.’
Me: ‘My question still stands.’

Teacher gives silent hard look.

Teacher: ‘ “My question still stands”? Who taught you to talk like that?’
Me: ‘Perry Mason. It’s on right after Star Trek.’


PerpetualBulletPB2014Buy your own copy of my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, ME, and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

FOR MY SISTER LETY


Haven’t wanted to talk about this for a long time, but here goes.

Some of you may remember my sister Rachel who died from Ovarian cancer in 2014.
My sister Lety was having stomach problems that year, but ignored them and kept it from the rest of us so she – like us – could focus on doing whatever we could to care for Rachel.

After Rachel’s death, Lety’s pain was too much, she went to the hospital in November, and was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

There was well over a year of Chemo which seemed to help until late May of this year. Treatment was stopped as her cancer metastasized and Chemo would only make it worse.

Since then we did whatever we could to make Lety’s days as great as possible. She appeared to be doing pretty good without the Chemo and enjoyed long walks with the dogs.

We began to hope for some kind of remission.

5 weeks ago it suddenly hit her hard and it went quickly downhill from there.

2x4letyMy sister died September 19, 2016.

We buried her September 26.

Lety’s happiness was giving to her friends and family. She was one of those people who could be counted on to be first to help with anything and everything. Such people have difficulty being the one who needs help, but it was because of her powerful character that she was the center of all our lives.

Lety is luckier than most, however, because she died surrounded by love. This unemployed little woman who would not, could not stop volunteering to physically help and be there for everyone, spent her last two weeks surrounded by a seemingly endless stream of people, who could gain nothing from their final compassion, but to know that Lety would be happy to see them one last time.

So many more came from all over the world. People Lety kept in touch with but had not seen in years. They came from other cities, other states, other countries. Not all of them arrived in time.

The funeral procession of cars was so long the police cleared the traffic on the I-45, in the fourth largest city in the U.S., so that the remains of one of Houston’s economically poorest citizens could travel to the final resting place.

To Leticia: for 21 years you were my Sister from another Mother.

Goodbye.

Craigslist Types


Mustang

 

So I get the email from a “Kd Waller”

Are you willing to let me have the car for free?

Ah! Obviously I forgot that it’s “Waste A Stranger’s Time” day.

Thanks for making the world a better place, Kd. I should have checked the calendar.

Kd apparently wasn’t aware that today is also “Blog Your Emails From Knuckleheads” day.

 

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