Facebook’s Skin Crawling “Community Standards”


Facebook deported me again.
This time for offering a Remembrance of my late bud and FB friend, Award winning Science Fiction author, Mike Resnick, on today, his birthday.
Facebook Community Standards are sickening.

How Spider-Man Always Gets Away


AmazingSpider-Man15

 

Kingpin: “Nothing can save you Now!”
Spider-Man: “Well, DUH!  The totality of oblivion can’t save anything at any point in time!”
Kingpin: “Oh no you don’t! You! Damn it! You… you KNOW  what I meant!”
Spider-Man: “Obviously! I just defined it! But do you? Your threat is nebulous and YOU know it. You call yourself a Mastermind?”
Kingpin (gasping in frustrated anger): “Let… DAMN! Let him go.”
Schemer: “What? But we have him! Spider-man is literally in the bag!”
Kingpin: “No, no… he beat me with his rhetorical cleverness.”
Schemer: “The Hell?”
Kingpin: (releasing Spider-Man) “Look! I have a gambling problem, okay? I risk everything! Win it all! But years ago I made a… a Foolish bet with Spider-man and he… oh damn it! He’s been besting me out of tight spots ever since!”
Schemer: “Is that so? Well Spider-Man has nothing on me! I can kill him right now!”
Spider-Man: “Hey Schemer, did you know that you’re the Kingpin’s son?” (jumps through a window and disappears into the night)

Kingpin & Schemer stare at each other: “WHAT?!?” *

*true story. Schemer aka Richard Fisk, was the Kingpin’s long lost son.

– Cover Art by John Romita, Script by Stan Lee

Not For The First Time I Realize…


Children Filter Religion … Differently

My pre-school niece tells me that Jesus is taller than everyone else. He’s the tallest person in the world, bigger than the house we’re in, even though he’s invisibly sitting on the couch next to us.

Me: “How does he do that?”
Niece: “I don’t know, but he can do all kinds of weird stuff.”
Me: “Oh.”
My Niece looks at me.
I look at her.
Niece: “It’s true.”
Me: “Okay.”
Niece: He even has a weird head.”

(I suddenly feel at this moment, that I’ve just entered the Undiscovered Country)

Me: “Weird how?”
Niece: “He looks… his head looks… he’s got a head like a squirrel head.”
Me: “Really?!?”
Niece: (with as much gravitas as a 5 year old can muster): “Really, Uncle Eddie.”
Me (clearly impressed by this wondrous new world): “I’ve never seen those pictures.”
Niece: “Not for everybody, just me.”
Me (floating back to earth) “Ahh…”
Niece: “He knows I love squirrels.”
Me: “I get it.”

END


pb300

I don’t know if Jesus would buy my book, but if you believe in him, cover your bases just in case by buying
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleiTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Don’t stop yet, there is still,

WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Hey, you’re on a roll, now!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Make the circle complete!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray,  the late  Ray Bradbury and Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Dealing With Depression When You’re Not An Expert


Depressed Friend: “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Me neither, but here’s a puppy.”

Depressed Friend: “Wow. …Aw, Thanks, man!”

Friend: “Hey, can I have a puppy too?”

Me: “Are you depressed?”

Friend: “No.”

Me: “Then Fuck You.”

THE END


pb300

As for me, I already have a puppy, but you can buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleiTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Make me even happier when you buy both of my collections!

WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Make me ecstatic!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Now you’re just trying to turn me on! Don’t stop! It’s working!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray,  the late  Ray Bradbury and Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Plastic Eating Bacteria!


How to Restore our Oceans with Biotechnology | Jeanny Yao & Miranda Wang | TEDxSMU

SATIRE / LAMPOON

Jeanny Yao and Miranda Wang enter their College Dean’s office.

Dean Yeager: “Ah! The jewels of our department! Good morning, Geniuses!”

Jeanny Yao: “Ye-ah. Good morning, Dean. Ahem. Uh… you know that plastic eating bacteria we invented?”

Dean Yeager (rolls his eyes in good humor): “Of course. You’re the pride of our University, you know!”

Miranda Wang: “Well… we’ve run into a snag…”

Dean Yeager: “Heh! Heh! What happened? Did the plastic eating bacterium chew their way through their plastic containers and escape into the wild?”

Miranda Wang: “Wow. Yes.”

Jeanny Yao: “Exactly!”

Dean Yeager (stares in dumbfounded silence as the knowledge settles upon him): “Why… but… wait. (Yeager develops a tick in his right eye) You must have held them in a plastic they weren’t bred to eat. Of course you did. You did do that, right?”

Miranda Wang: “We did just that.”

Jeanny Yao: “But it seems they adapted.”

Outside the office, a muffled sound of crashing. Someone shouts, “Aw! Bloody hell!”

Miranda Wang: “Our whole lab is flooded with water.”

Dean Yeager (looks to his office door, reacting to the sound. Looks back to his students, blinking nervously as the potential ramifications take root): “But! But!
(Sounds of catastrophe beyond the door. Yeager stands, instantly overwhelmed, shaking with fury)
WHAT?!?”

Yeager’s Statesman’s Signature carbon black desk – with a modesty front – collapses with a splash as the now wet wood panels fall apart.

His mouth drops open as he stares in disbelief. His carpet moistens and dissolves into a puddle. All of his lucite trophies and the wall frames holding his many diplomas and honors melt or drip Dali-style.

Students (backing away): “We should go now.”

Dean Yeager: “I… I… ! (Swallows. Deep breath) I think you’d better!”

Miranda Wang: “No, we mean WE.

Her finger wags pointing between themselves and Dean Yeager.

Jeanny Yao looks up at the ceiling.

Dean Yeager follows her gaze. The ceiling is swelling and bowing into the room.

Jeanny Yao: “WE  should go Right Now!”

END


pb300

You should buy my book right now!
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleiTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Make it your project to buy both of my collections!

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Go outside of the box!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray,  the late  Ray Bradbury and Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.