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Mustang

 

So I get the email from a “Kd Waller”

Are you willing to let me have the car for free?

Ah! Obviously I forgot that it’s “Waste A Stranger’s Time” day.

Thanks for making the world a better place, Kd. I should have checked the calendar.

Kd apparently wasn’t aware that today is also “Blog Your Emails From Knuckleheads” day.

 

Simmer down you Rubes…


MnM Motivational

Melania & Michelle

One didn’t plagiarize the other’s speech, they both just read the same old Motivational Posters.

JULY 4th


As much as I love a Thanksgiving feast with the family, I prefer a July 4th feast with the family.

BBQ brings its own delights and the women are content to let the men F* up the meal. With women out of the mix, there is a general laid back attitude about the whole thing ‘cuz guys aren’t out to make everything “Perfect”.

We’re drinking beer while we cook – While We Cook – for crying out loud!

Kids and dogs are running around the yard screaming their heads off, laughing, playing, fighting, and as long as they don’t run into us or the hot cooker, we don’t care.

One of the house apes gets their feelings hurt
(“Rudy pushed me!”
“Rudy! Stop being an ass!”
“She started it!”
“*SHE* is six! Stop being an ass!”
“[sullen] …okay.” )

The men are all talking about what we talk about. The women are all talking about what they talk about. Nobody is worried how the day is going to turn out because come the night, our town is going to blow up the god damn sky while we sit on the curb and watch.

I think about the six years of my life in the military when I volunteered to put it all on the line. At that moment I potentially tripled or more the odds of my being maimed or killed in the next six years. I went out of my way to needlessly increase the risk to myself for a greater purpose than me. If I make it, I’ll have all the rest of my life for me.

In all that light shower and noise, the baby gets in my lap and put her hands over her ears while she watches in wonderment.

Out of nowhere my wife – the love of my life – leans over and kisses me.

A surprisingly beautiful firework blooms. Moments like this. It was all worth it.

DEAR PARANOID PEOPLE…


Dear Paranoid People...

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one…what’s your plan?

Assuming it’s a stranger who has no business being there, I’ll throw my body on top of them, wrapping them in the shower curtain, and while they are trapped, beat their head against the ceramic tile and metal faucets until they stop struggling.

If the person is a friend or family member who has no business being there, I’ll tell their Mom.

“You were gonna murder me? I’m telling your Mother!”

But I usually check behind the shower curtain because I’m paranoid about spiders.


PerpetualBulletPB2014Check out my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, ME, and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? NO PROBLEM!


FitPossible

If You Were Able To Believe In Santa Claus For Like 8 Years, You Can Believe In Yourself For Like 5 Minutes

Memes like this are broad strokes, and while the devil is in the details, so to speak, let me use the big brush for this one.

I have no trouble believing in myself.

The problem is getting others to believe in me.

I have accomplished so much that it staggers people outside of my pursuits: Staggers some to the point of disbelief. I’ve told the honest, easily verifiable truth about myself to some folks only to have them give me the side-eye as if I’m lying to their face. To them, I’m the only person they’ve ever met who has done the things I’ve done, therefore, I never did them. Why? Because that makes the most sense in their experience.

On the other hand, to those who share my pursuits, my accomplishments are barely impressive as we all work toward the same goals, have the same ambitions, move in the same circles.

And yet, despite my accomplishments, they are only rungs on the ladder to my goals. I haven’t achieved the actual reason for why I’m putting myself through all of this.

There is a reason why even the most talented, driven, educated people say, “All that plus a little luck when I found this wonderful person who believed in me.”

There is a reason why such exceedingly rare people are called Angels, as in “Angel Investors” and the like.

James Cameron was getting nowhere (contemplating suicide, in fact) until he found his producer, Gale Anne Hurd.

John Carpenter reached a dead end (he was about to give up and teach at a Junior College) until he found his producer, Debra Hill (she literally saved him twice, in fact).

I’ve interviewed a number of successful people on what it took for them to become a success and they all have the same story. They hit a brick wall until by random chance, X person(s) noticed them and came along.

This story repeats itself for everyone from Nikola Tesla to Oprah Winfrey to Elon Musk.

Stephen King alone has frequently mentioned the writers who astound him with their driven, ambitious skill and talent, but never rise to even half of his level in the same market. And of course we’ve seen the opposite: people who have no drive, ambition, or talent, and go on to become best selling authors with preposterously huge movie deals – all because they were in the right place at the right time (50 Shades of Gray, Twilight).

There are tons more stories of men and women whose extraordinary merit went unrecognized until long after their deaths. People whose inventions, ideas, or stories changed the course of generations even civilizations only long after their overlooked, unnoticed deaths.

Why?

Having skin in this game, I can personally attest that for every “Angel” who can actually help you and nurture your career, there are seemingly over 100 smooth talking scumbag con artists who are only out to ride you like the parasite they are – even if it means they starve to death on your failure that they created, because that delights them. There are probably a matching number of egotistical losers born to successful families and with family connections or an inheritance, who will fuck up everything they touch.

So many thousands of people who work so hard and reach the point where they believe they’ve found their “Angel”. The one who believes in them and wants to help them. Likely only one in a thousand of those seeming Angels are good, honest people. Only one in a thousand, or maybe ten thousand, aren’t parasites or paranoid egotists or bullshit artists who only want to waste your time as you lavish attention and praise on their delusions.

Because they are so rare, they are so difficult to identify. Because so many driven, talented, ambitious people wind up being used again and again by various parasites with their various personal methods, they become beaten.

In that dark time of the soul, they sometimes turn to family, who are usually the first to tell them to give up. The first to say, “I told you so.”
“You know, there’s nothing wrong with being a plumber.”

As if the fact that you didn’t dream of being a plumber meant that you looked down on plumbers.

Family doesn’t say this because they’re hateful, but you have to move the earth to impress the folks who once “changed your shitty diapers”.

“A prophet is without honor only in his hometown, among his relatives, and in his own household.”
– Mark 6:4

There are plenty of accomplished, talented, driven people who believe in themselves, whatever their dreams may be. There are only so many “Angels” to go around.

Until I find mine, I’ll just keep hammering at the wall.


PerpetualBulletPB2014Summon your Money For my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the two volume film making guidebooks, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

PHONE BOOK


Phone Book

TODAY! Today is the last time I looked up a number in a Phone Book. And I’ll do it again later today or maybe tomorrow.

Not that I don’t use the Internet, obviously. It’s just not good for everything. In fact, the Internet is not good for a lot of things. The day you stop depending on it, you come away amazed by how much you don’t need to depend on it.

Considering that this is a blog, that’s a pretty meta statement. So reflect on this example,

The thing about a Phone book is, when I go to look up a number for a service, I Get That Number for that service!
Are there advertisements? Yes. And every single one is about the service I’m looking for.
None of the ads put themselves in front of the others, blocking me from seeing the other phone numbers until I call them, as a ransom, first.
None of the ads so overwhelm my phone book that my page turning slows to a crawl or forces the phone book to abruptly close, making me lose my place.
And if I call the number on any of the ads, I get something the Internet, as of today, cannot offer: I Get The Service I’m Looking for. They may not have the price I want. They may not be convenient to my locale or needful timeline, but they offer the service I’m looking for.
They also don’t demand my email, registration, or subscription to their service before they’ll talk  to me about their service.
They also don’t install a malware or “cookie” on my phone so they can track who else I call.
In a phone book, the number I call is the business I get. It’s never a redirect to something I’m not looking for or a malicious business that sets my phone on fire and takes control of my house.
When I search in a phone book for a specific desire or need, what I don’t get is 30,000,000 search returns, the majority of which have nothing to do with my search terms. I know the freaking service I want is on surface of the freaking earth!
Oh, okay, these first ten returns on the first page tell me they have the numbers to the service I want. This website, Glup.com, is The Most Popular Website For Finding Services In Your Area! Fine. It says there are 18 in my area. Good.
Click through… wait for ad-laden page to load… close all the pop-up ads… Here we go. Oh wait, a video is loading and I can’t make it stop. Video is playing, hit pause. Okay now.
POP UP
YES
I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY EMAIL, ALL OF MY EMAIL ADDRESSES, AND MY FULL FACEBOOK FRIEND’S LIST SO I CAN ENJOY THIS WONDERFUL SERVICE! YOU WILL ALSO HAVE ACCESS TO MY TWITTER ACCOUNT (even though you promise to never use it in any way that could harm me. *winky-face*)
NO
I DON’T WANT TO JOIN YOUR SERVICE BECAUSE I AM A FILTHY TROGLODYTE 

Fine. I’m a filthy troglodyte.
Oh. I can’t use the service unless I register. Screw this. Back to the search page. The second choice found 14 in my area.
The next website, Blech.com, is The Best Popular Website For Finding Services In Your Area!
Click through… wait for ad-laden page etc. Close all the pop-up ads etc.
Here we go. Video is loading etc. Video is playing etc. Okay now.
POP UP etc.
Fine. I’m a stupid Republican.
What? Search by number? I don’t have a god damn number! That’s why I’m at this page!
Grrr! Okay, a drop down menu offers Search for Services. So my search engine for services took me to a website where I use their search for those same damn services. Green progress bar goes across the screen while a slurry of text ads give me “Did you know that for only $9.00 a month you can…?”
Okay, progress complete, they found numbers to my service, they have my number and they … want one time fee of $4.99 to let me know who the business phone numbers belong to?!?
FUCK THIS!
Okay, I’ll use Schlep.com. The Better Popular Website For Finding Services In Your Area!
Click through. No I’m not a god damn member.
No I don’t *want* to be a god damn member.
No I don’t care what your fucking members get.
Page hangs while video ad loads.
Video ad has loaded. Video ad has no pause. Waiting 30 seconds for god damn video ad to end (I silently vow that for the rest of my life I will never buy anything the company in that god damn 30 second ad offers. May the executive board of that company lose everything and wind up living in prison!).
Now I can finally …
You know what? Fuck this. I’ll just look it up alphabetically in the god damn phone book!
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LEAVE?
Yes I want to leave this website.
WHY NOT FIRST DOWNLOAD THIS APPLICATION TO IMPROVE YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM? YOUR OPERATING SYSTEM ISN’T UP TO DATE AND YOU MAY BE INFECTED WITH VIRUSES…
Page won’t close the website unless I answer
Yes I Want To Leave This Website
or
I’m Not Sure, Let Me Look At Your Website Some More
or
Please Protect My Computer With Your Program.
Because it all looks so damn sketchy, like a script kiddie in junior high created it with cut & paste code from an archived geocities page, I don’t want to answer to anything. The X button in the corner of the pop up window doesn’t do anything.
Why in the hell do browser companies allow this Internet hijacking in their codecs? They all allow it and no updates ever stop it. I can’t even shut the browser down for this stupid website.
I go into Task Manager to force close the browser.
You know what? Screw this. Never in my life has a printed book hijacked my house, the coffee shop, or wherever the hell I’ve been while reading it.
I flip open the Phone Book. Ah! Here are the services I’m looking for. I found everything in about three seconds.
I tell my friends, and they reply,
“I’ve never had that problem. I’m registered with Welp! They’re the fastest!”
“I’m registered with Orangie! They’re the most exciting!”
“I’m subscribed to -”
“I downloaded Schlep’s free program and my computer has never been worse.”
Me: “GFYS!”

END


PerpetualBulletPB2014Rejoice! You can buy my book in “e” or print!
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Is a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

CLICK BAIT!


Ouija

Did God banish his Fallen Angels to Hell? Well for only $13.19 at Target, you can bring them back with the *Amazing* Ouija board!

The Ouija Board, Made In The U.S.A., usurps God’s omnipotent authority and destroys the natural order of the cosmos!

All for only $13.19! Don’t wait for that mean girl Sally, to establish her Dominion On Earth before you, get your Ouija Board today!

By Hasbro!

Ouija Wikipedia

Web Ouija

The Strange and Mysterious History of the Ouija Board


PerpetualBulletPB2014Summon your Money For my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the two volume film making guidebooks, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

 

Airforce Snopes


The day Snopes lost its sense of humor.

hundreds-of-cubans-air-force-one

Snopes.com/cuban-refugees-clinging-to-air-force-one/

Seriously, Snopes: if people are stupid enough to believe this The Onion image is real, you can’t talk them out of it.

Thank You For Comcasting


imag0445Tech Support: “If there’s nothing else, then thank you for choosing Comcast and you have a great day.”

Me: “Wait! Wait! Choosing  Comcast? You mean, I finally have a choice?

Tech Support: “Ha! Ha! No. That’s just something we say. We have a government sanctioned monopoly that allows us to own all home Internet usage in your area.”

Me: “Starbucks doesn’t have that. They have Google.”

Tech Support:Lol!  Well they’re a business, aren’t they? You’re talking influential business money now.”

Me: “Wait! I have  a business license.”

Tech Support:LMBO!  That’s great sir. Well you just donate to your state senator’s campaign war chest and I’m sure they’ll get right on it. Until then, thank you for living on Comcast turf, bitch .”


PerpetualBulletPB2014Thank you for choosing to buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of previously published, critically acclaimed Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback, in eBook for $1.99, and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the two volume film making guidebooks, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

Starring KIC8462852


DR. FRISBEE: “Uh… distinguished assembly, alumni, and press. Oh, and my team, uh… hey gang.”

Murmuring silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “Ahem, this press announcement is in regards to star KIC8462852.

A few months ago it came to our attention that we at Harvard, being the only ones with the most thorough observations of Star KICK 84, as we call it, and so the only ones who could best track the anomaly.”

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s Star, stupid…”

DR. FRISBEE: “A-hem! Uh… Oh hell, I’m not going to beat around the bush here.

It’s an error.”

Pin drop silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “The uh… both of the independent Johnson B light curves… the uh. From the old 24 inch Bruce Doublet to various refractors and reflectors  through the years… the sterling high quality lenses we use between the light captured and our cameras this entire time have been Cooke Lenses.”

Forbidding silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “Outstanding glass, over a century of visionary conceptual continuity, as they say.”

NASA REP.: “WHAT?!?

Uproar!

DR. FRISBEE: (nervous drink of water) “… but Cooke lenses do have this… have a very slight coating … only them. Proprietary, patented technology. Makes them special, among the best  but ah…”

NASA REP.: “No! No! No! Both the by-eye and DASCH confirmed…”

DR. FRISBEE: “DASCH is just Digital Access to a Sky Century @ Harvard. So the flaw is back on us.”

NASA REP.: “Our Kepler space telescope tracked the dimming and dips!”

DR. FRISBEE: “That’s a separate matter. I’m here to talk about Harvard’s contribution, which, I’m deeply sorry to say, is worthless.

HARVARD PROVOST: “That’s not possible!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Strictly on this specific matter, of course!”

MSNBC: “But the alien megastructures!”

BOB’s BLOG: “Please shut up. Grown-ups are speaking.”

Arguments break out! Dr. Frisbee waves his hands in the air to disrupt the outbreak of pedesis collisions in the room.

DR. FRISBEE: “Please!”

Chaos Sierpinskis into a semblance of order.

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s team…”

DR. FRISBEE: “Ahem! PLEASE!  It’s ah… whew!  It’s always the little things, you know? Cooke’s ever-so-slight, yet unique coating, combined with our own proprietary, specially manufactured film stock and silver grain formulation, we at Harvard used until 1998, combined again with the unusual but certainly not altogether singular properties of an F-type main sequence star like KIC8462852… well it all dovetailed to give us the error.”

NASA REP.: “But the irregular dips! A century of fading! A Century!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Cooke kept improving their lens and coatings and we kept improving the quality of our – cough!  – film. Again, dovetailed.”

NASA REP.: “No! The irregular dips!-”

DR. FRISBEE: “Atmospheric conditions.”

NASA REP.: “We ruled those out!”

DR. FRISBEE: “And we were wrong.”

NASA REP.: “But other observatories!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Built on our foundation.”

NASA REP.: “No! No! Our Keplar! And… and other F-type main sequence stars don’t- ”

DR. FRISBEE: ( Hand raised to stop the Rep. ) “We’ve checked, re-checked, re-re-checked, and verified independently. It’s a false reading.”

NASA REP.: “But we’ve already spent tens of billions on the de Dondi telescope! The entire project! The thing does nothing *but* track KICK 84! It’s halfway to Mars orbit, already!”

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s Star, damn it…”

DR. FRISBEE: “It’s uh… heh. It’s kinda funny when you think about it? Kinda like a modern day Martian canals or Parkes Observatory and their microwave?”

Riotous Uproar!

DR. FRISBEE: “Uh! Uh! I think it’s vitally important, in spirited moments like this, to remember that my team and I just started work here last year, you know.”

END

Copyright 2016, E.C. McMullen Jr.


PerpetualBulletPB2014Why be too clever only by half? Buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of previously published, critically acclaimed Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Look for my second eBook collection, WILLOW BLUE And Other Stories. Available at amazon and soon at all online booksellers. Soon to be a Trade Paperback.

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

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Lovecraftian Science

Scientific Investigations into the Cthulhu Mythos

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