Where Random Happens

Posts tagged “Star Wars

Obi Wan Can’t Remember


SWLukeNObiOne

Use the Force, Larry!


pb300Don’t get down to your last hope. Buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

There’s still more hope for us!

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

I hope you have more room

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Hoping for still more?

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


STAR WARS I: The R-Rated Version


SWVadervsKenobi

VADER: “Your powers are weak, old man.”
OBI-WAN: “Nuff chit-chat. Get it up.”

Bzh!
Bzh!

VADER: “The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner -”

Bzh-Wahzh!

OBI-WAN: “The student.”
VADER: “WHAT?”
OBI-WAN: “You were the student, Vader. Student. Sheesh. ‘The Learner’.”

Bzh-Wahzh! Bzh!

VADER: “You CUT off my LEGS and left me to die on a bed of lava!”
OBI-WAN: “To stop you from KILLING me like you murdered everyone else, you big baby!

Bzh-Wahzh! Bzh-Wahzh! Wahzh!

OBI-WAN: “So ‘Wah!’  Hell, you’d already committed mass genocide and betrayed everyone whoever helped and trusted you.”
VADER: “Oh! Oh yeah? Well… huh! I… I didn’t betray the Emperor or Padme, now did I?”
OBI-WAN: “Emperor Palpatine? The Palpatine who murdered your Padme?”
Vader: “WHAT?”

Bzh! Katta! Katta! Katta! Bzh!

OBI-WAN: “By the Force you are such a fucking tool. Go on.”
VADER: “Wha-what?”
OBI-WAN: “The big speech you must have been practicing. ‘The circle is now complete, yadda, yadda.'”
VADER: “Now… now I … am the master…
OBI-WAN: “Of what, you hulking dupe?”

Bourgeoisie!

VADER: ” … ”

Schick! (turns off lightsaber and lets it fall to the deck.)

VADER: “Fuck it…”

Stormtrooper 1: “Da-amn…!”

OBI-WAN: “Now what? Going off to cry about how you spent your life betraying your Padme?”
VADER: “You’re an asshole!”
OBI-WAN: “Cry me a fucking river, jackass! You helped slaughter an entire planet of innocent people. You helped wipe out the entire history of billions! Nobody is going to ever care about you. If Amidala were alive she’d kill you herself and you know it!”

Vader walks away crying.

Stormtrooper 2: “Uh… gang? Maybe we should leave.”
Stormtrooper 3: “With all this being ship recorded? Yeah, you first!”

Obi toggles off his lightsaber and walks up to the Falcon where the others are. The assembled Stormtroopers give him a wide birth.

LUKE: “So-o-o … you two had some history, huh?”
OBI-WAN: “Let’s just blow this damned thing up.”
HAN: “Hey, uh… do I get a bonus or…”

Obi glares at Han.

CHEWBACCA: “URGH!”
HAN: “Or… something.”
CHEWBACCA: “A MUSIC WAR!”
OBI-WAN: (walking up the ramp) “By the way, Luke. You and Leia are siblings.”
LUKE and LEIA: “WHAT?”
R2 D2: “Deedle-TWEET?”
C-3PO: “Oh My!”
OBI-WAN: “I lied about Vader killing your father. Vader back there is your father. Padme was your Mother.”
LUKE and LEIA: “WHAT?!?”
HAN: “Really? Hm. So, uh, Princess…”

END


pb300You’ll find no fan fiction in my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Burning for more?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


MILLENNIUM


SadWeirdAlSing to the tune of Rob Zombie’s DRAGULA

MILLENNIUM
Leia’s back again, afraid of Kylo Ren
Different shades of Force, that’s the same of course
Chewie’s back and how, lookin’ younger now
Han is old and gray, guess he’ll stay that way

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Han has got to say, a thing to Finn and Rey
Is it truth or con? Ask Poe Dameron
Artoo and Threepio, some scavenger called Teedo
Ackbar and Kanata, I didn’t say Canada

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
We’re not sure what’s going on

Abrams says this is great, said that of SUPER 8
More stupid Star Trek Flares, think the guy’s unawares?
Snoke, Hux, and San Tekka, and a Captain Phasma
Hoping they’ll raise the bar, oh crap another Death Star

A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
We’re not sure what’s going on

A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
A-Skywalker’s here somewhere
We’re not sure what’s going on

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Light up your saber
and fight off the labor
of clones chasing after my
Millennium

Parody by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Sad Weird Al meme by Bill Cassinelli


PerpetualBulletPB2014You won’t find any Star Wars fantasy in my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of critically acclaimed, previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the two volume film making guidebooks, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream (Vol. 1 & 2).


BIG HONKIN’ STAR WARS MILLENNIUM FALCON


It begins like this.

I was on Facebook, minding my own affairs. When this ad from !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! Walmart, caught me unawares.

WalMartMF

That was the biggest Millennium Falcon toy I ever saw. I recall talk about selling such a big freaking wookie of a toy, but I think this was the biggest wookie of a M.F. spaceship yet!

I was so impressed I posted this,

FBSWMFWalMartThis is my sense of humor, it’s the way I joke.

But then this happened,

HSFAMFHank Schwaeble is the Bram Stoker award winning writer of the novel, DAMNABLE. He is used to my kind of joking, and year after year jokes back in the same vein.

So when he said this,

HSMCI came back with this!

FAToyJoking aside, this is the Star Wars geek version of promising to introduce me to Halle Berry (STORM!). Don’t joke around about a thing like that!

But Hank said,

HS2Today is Monday, December 15, 2014. So what did I get in my email today? A forward from Hank.

GreatNewsHoly crap! Is this for real? Is this a joke?

Dare I freaking dream?

Let’s be clear here.

This is a massive scale toy for children (*wink! wink!*).

star-wars-poster For children who sat enthralled in their theater seats in the 1970s and 1980s, watching the most awesome movie they had ever seen in their lives!

So I went to my local Walmart, and lo and behold, this is what I brought back!

FeoSWSo yes, my buddy Hank Schwaebel loves me!

HSFA


STAR WARS Saturday!


I'M WARNING YOU

Leia was such a princess…

TATOOINE IDOL

Darth Vader knew what it was to be hurt…

AlderaanIdol

Obi Wan: closer to the Family Guy version than you’d like…!

BUT DON'T WORRY! WE'LL DEAL WITH YOUR ROOBLE-

Tarkin thought: ‘Don’t say Rabble! Don’t say Rabble! Don’t say Roo…’

GOD OF THE GEEKS

The insanely best of both worlds…

EVIL PUPPY

Someone else will be the new Admiral…

LEAVE NOW?

Grand Muff Clinton…

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE FORCE

Darth Perry…

MCMAHON SAID YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!

Wrestling has its own universe…

Whattsa prequel Trilogy?  ITSA CRAP!

Ackbar weighs in on the second set…

Not all movies could cash in on the Star Wars phenomenon, but some came close.

HAN SOLO

Han Solo has his own code…


Uh… Obi?


Obi Wan may be too high

Too Stoned? Not as long as I can hold this joint.