Where Random Happens

Posts tagged “Jesus

UNIVERSAL PERSPECTIVE


Referring back to my blog on June 6th, The Distance Between Us, here is a visual perspective I found all over the Internet in various stages. I don’t know who began this, I do know the full creation has been a group effort (probably thanks to either the Reddit or 4Chan communities or both).

Then some goof added the lame last stage, a cosmic yet local punchline to it all (probably thanks to either the Reddit or 4Chan…)perspective

COMEDY –

I used to work in Comedy. I went pro and got as far as Feature comic (middle between Opener and Headliner) before I gave it up for marriage. I preferred sleeping in a bed with my wife to sleeping in the same room with a bunch of young faux-worldly semi-psychos, vigorously pursuing various addictions to see which one agreed with them, and all crammed together in a Roach & Rat infested Comedy Condo.

As I pursued this path, aging Headliners who never quite got a TV or movie gig (but were sagely comfy with the addiction their youthful fool-self found for them), would scare up a few extra bucks by teaching method comedy to the rest of us. Everything from setting up the punchline, callbacks, to something as seemingly simple (but unbelievably important) as Microphone Etiquette.

Seriously, to people who have never performed professionally with a microphone onstage? You have no idea how simple a thing as the way you hold your mike throughout a performance can enhance – OR – torpedo your act.

Depending on the headliners that month, I’d scrounge to pay my $50 per class at least once a month, sometimes twice. I was serious about the clown craft.

That punchline up there? That would get silence. Crickets would chirp.

Perhaps a few self-styled posturing atheists in the crowd would laugh uproariously because they secretly believed in a God, but were calling themselves atheist because they were Mad at “him” and thought disavowal would hurt “his” feelings.

Huh! God has cheesed me off! Well I’ll show HIM!

Anyone in the crowd who was a god believer and had more than a cursory knowledge of the New Testament might openly scoff.

You can misquote someone and make it work, but it has to be a misquote that still defines or encapsulates what they would say or how they talk.

Tina Fey misquoted Sarah Palin for laughs and it worked, not because Sarah actually said “I Can See Russia from My House”, but because the carefully molded media narrative of the time made it seem like that was something Palin would say.

NEW TESTAMENT –

“Don’t masturbate” doesn’t remotely seem like something Jesus would say. The New Testament pretty much smashes the Old Testament. Throughout the NT, Jesus, while surrounded by all manner of sinners Guy *and* Gal, is constantly revising the ancient laws and confounding all who confront him or try to trip him up with the old text.

Whether or not you believe in the Bible (and I don’t care one way or the other), the New Testament gives readers a clear-eyed view of those who pretend to be Christian, yet gleefully deny him to spout contradictory OT whenever the gospel of JC doesn’t suit them. Particularly for unbelievers, the NT is a step by step method of spotting the self-righteous phonies who come at you.

The image above has a wonderful setup, but a flop punchline.

END


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It’s International Blasphemy Rights Day!


YAY!

zombiejesus


WWJD


John 2:13-16

13 The Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
14 In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there.
15 And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables.
16 And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.”

WWJD

OKAY, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
Copyright 2014 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

JESUS: “You refuse to serve my followers? And you use your belief in my Father as an EXCUSE ?!?”
MONEY CHANGER: “I own this table! I made it myself!
ORGANIC FARMER: “And I grew these vegetables!
SHEEP: “Bah…”
MERCHANT RANCHER: “And I raised these cows and sheep!”
COW: “Moo…”
MERCHANT PIGEON HERDER: “Yeah! And I… well, these pigeons and all!
PIGEON: “Turtle…”
MONEY CHANGER: “Which gives us the freedom put OUR  business wherever WE  want, and do whatever WE  please, to whoever WE  like, for any reason WE  choose!
MERCHANT RANCHER: “Yeah! Even if it’s stupid, ignorant, and rude!”
MERCHANT PIGEON HERDER: “Yeah! Because…er… Oh! Because RELIGION !”
JESUS ( angrily gathering cords ): “Oh REALLY ?”
PIGEON: “Turtle…”
MERCHANT PIGEON HERDER: “… uh… Whatta ya doing?”
JESUS ( tightly twining the cords together  ): “Is that a FACT ?”
MERCHANT PIGEON HERDER: “Um… wait. Guys? What is he doing?”
JESUS: “Well I  made and own this WHIP !
*WHIP!*
MERCHANT RANCHER: “WHOA! HEY NOW!”
JESUS: “And I  can use it on whomever I  want!”
*KICK!*
MONEY CHANGER: “MY TABLE! MY PRECIOUS TABLE! Also my money!”
*WHIP!*
JESUS: “Now GTFO of this Temple!!!”
*WHIP!*
MERCHANT RANCHER: “My GOD ! He’s CRAZY !”
JESUS: WHA- WHA- ?  WHAT did YOU  just SAY ?!?”
COW: “Moo…”
JESUS: “Oh Now you’re REALLY  Gonna Get It!”
*WHIP!-CRACK!* *KICK!* *FLIP!*
ORGANIC FARMER: “And you call yourself a man of peace!”
*WHIP!-CRACK!*
MONEY CHANGER:OW! JESUS CHRIST!
JESUS:Jeezus Christ ?!? THEY! CALL! ME! HAY-SOOS !!!”
*WHIP!-CRACK!*

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Artist Unknown. Many artists painted passages from the Bible through the centuries, never affixing their name to their work. The person who wrote the image quip is also unknown. This image has been floating around the Internet for a while.


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PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99. Available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the two volume film making guidebooks, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.