Hey Michael!


Buzz Aldrin couldn’t contain his excitement…Buzz_HeyMichael

Advertisements

The Gift Of…


A new phone caused me to browse through some of my backed-up files and I came across this.

Today our Producer asked me to give him the Gift of No Conflict.

He’s doing his utmost best to deal with me, but I consistently cause no end of conflict for him.

I promised I would not cause conflict.

Today we’re going to a big event to promote our project.

Upon entering the expansive arena parking lot, our Producer asked me where we were to unload our equipment and I told him Hall D.

Producer: No, that’s where we set up. Where do we unload?
Me: Hall D.
Producer: It’s not Hall E?
Me: Nope, the email said Hall D.
Producer: I’m pretty sure it’s Hall E.
Me:
Okay.

Silence. driving through the massive parking lot, around to the back of the arena, we come within view of the loading bays of the various halls, A through H. They’re about 200 yards away but each is identified by a giant red letter.

Then.

Producer: Well is it Hall E or not?
Me:
No, it’s Hall D.
Producer:
Yes. (patronizing tone) That’s where the event takes place, but where do we actually unload?
Me: Hall D.
Producer: *Sigh* (lecturing tone) I asked you to memorize the email so we would not have this problem.
Me: We don’t have a problem,  it’s Hall D.
Producer: (stops the vehicle) GodDAMN it! Why do you fucking DO this? You’re supposed to be helping,  not Adding to my (slams his hands repeatedly on the steering wheel ) Fucking Headaches!  RAHHH!!! I wish you would Just Fucking Do what I ask! FUCK!
Me: (Used to these outbursts by now) I did what you asked. It’s hall D.
Producer: (whiny voice) ‘It’s hall D.’ Now I have to fucking find someone else. Someone who actually Knows what the Fuck they are Doing!

Two arena employees approach in a golf cart.  Producer flags them.

Producer: Excuse me! I need to unload some equipment for the Event Showcase…?
Driver: Hall D. You can’t miss –
Producer: (interrupting, loud and slow as if they are stupid)
Ye-es, Hall D is where the Event takes place. But where do I Unload?

By their abruptly indignant expressions, they are taking exception to his tone.

Passenger: Hall. D.
Producer: Are you sure?

They go stink eye and drive away.

Producer: (dramatic sigh. Sulky silence. He carries the burden of the world on his shoulders. He finally moves the vehicle forward)
Fine then. Where is Hall D?

He asked as we moved toward a row of arena loading bays, each clearly marked A through H with, as I noted, huge red letters.

I had to put my hand to my jaw to stop from grinding my teeth.

This is how I caused conflict between us.


 

After the event was over, I left the project for greener pastures. The project continued on for a while without me, but was never completed.

END


pb300

Don’t have conflicting emotions over the purchase of my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleiTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Make it your project to buy both of my collections!

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Go outside of the box!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray,  the late  Ray Bradbury and Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Please Leave A Review


bartender

Would you say your experience was
5. Outrageously Awesome!
4. Needs Improvement
3. Wouldn’t Recommend it
2. Uncomfortable
1. Awful

Okay, I don’t want anyone to lose their job over my use of technical support, but damn! There is nothing that a person at a call center could ever do – short of talking people safely out of a burning building – that would be Outrageously Awesome!

“Alexa is talking to me again! That’s Outrageously Awesome!”

What if #4 was only Awesome?

“Well, they were Awesome, but I wasn’t Outraged.”

Isn’t Awesome good enough? Awesome means Breathtaking, Awe-inspiring, Magnificent, Amazing, Stunning, Impressive.

“Your tech support was so Impressively Stunning my wife called an ambulance. I might die!

And that’s just for Awesome!

Outrageous? The key definitions of Outrageous are, Shockingly Bad or Excessive.

TopHat_SnootyA

I say, I found your Magnificent tech support Shockingly Bad, wot?

Outrageous can also mean Scandalous and Saucy.

Let’s be clear here, if you think Kyle at the Call Center gave you a Breathtaking experience that was Scandalous and Saucy, you likely weren’t calling for Tech Support.

I think I know how these ridiculous ratings came about though. Because there are always those people who, no matter how bad the lowest is or how great the highest is, they see it as a challenge. The have to top the top.

“Your ranking system only goes up to 5 but, can I give a 6? Because my tech, Bernice, was Outrageously Fucking Awesome!”

You encourage enough of these people and the drooling halfwit squatting in the web at Human Resources gets to thinking that all reviews need to attain that level.

To go from Outrageously Awesome to the damning, Needs Improvement in just one step? You know, there are several shades of Excellent, Great, and Really Good between 5 and 4.

I give corporate review ratings a Number 2.*

END

*If you feel I’m mocking your specific company? I probably am.


wb2016What words will YOU use to describe my book, WILLOW BLUE?
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed, previously published short stories, with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Love it and want the first one? Buy
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleDiesel!ndigoiTunesKoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Are you so Magnificently Stunned that you want more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

SCIENCE! Whether you Believe it or Not!


Aliens May Well Exist in a Parallel Universe, New Studies Find

By Brandon Specktor, Senior Writer
Should the search for alien life in our universe come up empty-handed, it might be worth checking in on a neighboring universe instead.

AliensScientists don’t know if Parallel Universes exist, and have no reason to think they do. But if they do exist – and nobody is saying that – then they have to match a certain criteria to support Life As We Know It.

Sooo … bored and having nothing better to do to earn his government paycheck, Pascal Elahi, a research fellow at the University of Western Australia, had a go with a computer simulation and his D&D Dungeon Master sheet of entirely made up crap regarding what elements (spells, health potions, armor) may exist in the magical wonderland of Parallel Universes, and the computer model came back with “HELLS YEAH there’s GOD DAMN life in Parallel Motherfucking UNIVERSES, bitch!”

A round of drinks later and there we are. And the science is true whether you believe it or not, thus sayeth Neil deGrasse Tyson​.

END


pb300

Lucky for you, my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Exists in This Universe!
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleiTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

There is Another System,

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Each book is its own Universe!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray,  the late  Ray Bradbury and Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

 

The Favorite Uncle


Over time the children have learned that I’m not the uncle who brings gifts and to *Never* ask me in front of family, thinking I’ll be cornered by their judgement.

Niece: “Oh! Uncle Eddie! You know what you can get me for my Birthday?!?”
Me: “Some mouthwash?”bartender

Bad For Business


A while back when I lived in California, I’d visit a distant used media store whenever I was in that area. The used CDs were usually in the $5 range.

Sometimes I’d buy something, but usually I just browsed.

Eventually the owner asked if I was looking something specific so I told him. I mentioned in passing that I’d been searching for a while.

He said he’d keep an eye out for it.

Time passed and I found the CD at a yard sale for a quarter.

Eventually I made my way back to that side of town and visited the store.

The owner was happy to see me, went in back, and returned with the CD I’d long looked for. It was in good condition, though not as good as the copy I’d already bought.
He had a round price sticker on the case: $80.
He wanted $80 bucks for this CD.

His big grin fell when I told him that I already bought it elsewhere.

“You’re kidding!” he said in a hollow voice.

Due to his reaction, it immediately hit me that this guy too, had paid more than the CD was worth.

He then came across like he had gone out of his way to do me this big favor. One I’d never asked for.

Why on earth would I even dream of not buying it elsewhere if given the chance? Why in the world would I wait for him to make the sale?

Let’s be clear here: It was just a CD. One that never sold well, was out of print, and would likely be ignored by many. It didn’t have market value, it had value to me.

I didn’t feel sorry for him, I felt insulted.

Why would he presume that I’d be such a desperate chump for something? Why was he so confident I could be suckered?

Everything has a relative value, doesn’t he know that?

If I was restoring a classic dream car, yeah, I might pay a lot of money for an original part. Maybe even 5 times as much just to end my search for something so rare. The car (bike, house, boat, whatever) has a far greater relative value.

He began grumbling, he was so deeply put out.

I left and never returned.

Unrelated to me, he closed his shop a few years later. I wondered if he went down bitching about people who say they want something but don’t want to pay for it?

END


wb2016You won’t pay a small fortune when you buy my book, WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Own it and want more? Buy
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & NobleDiesel!ndigoiTunesKoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Have you become a fan?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

 

I’m Also Elsewhere…


You go to a website. Box comes up wanting permission to track you (unless you default to cookies on all the time).

Website wants you to login, register, they want your email, your Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook account. They want your email!

But I don’t.

I run Feo Amante’s Horror Thriller.

What’s that? If you are into fictional Horror, Thriller, Mystery, and Suspense, then
It’s just what you want to know about what you want to know.image description

So if you like it here, you might love it there!