What Is A Jedi?


JediDoes

Yeah, but Luke always did things his own way.

When Yoda told Luke to stay out of the fight, don’t face Vader, and maybe let his friends die, Luke basically said, “Jedi’s aren’t cowards. See ya!” And took off with R2D2 to do exactly what he wanted. And why? Because Obi Wan always told Luke to “Trust his feelings”.

Join us now as Luke’s X-Wing takes off, leaving behind a clearly perturbed Yoda, who  snarls,

“Why Sith that Lord of son! Think he is, who does?”

Obi Yawn materializes saying,
“… Ahh… Nope. I… I’m sorry, what?”

Yoda, shaking with rage,
“Think who does he is? Jedi Me Long Before his lineage was!”

“Oh… the curt dressing down he gave you. Yes, that was… hmm. That’s certainly him.”

“Too his father like! Much anger I sense!”

“I’d say more naive, overconfident, and a bit arrogant. Well, that’s what destroying a Death Star on your own will do to you.”

“No! NO! Much in him Anger Sensing! GRRR! ANGER!”

“Okay, Master Yoda. Although in fairness, you never took out a moon-size Death Star. Not so much as a tugboat”

“Hm! HM! Matters not!”

“Yes, well. Anyway, that boy is our last hope.”

“No, there is another.”

“Ho! You didn’t mangle that sentence, did you? But you can’t be talking about Leia.”

“Leia is.”

“One of these cold swamp stones has more human compassion than her. Leia saw her home planet blown to dust, billions of her people, their history, everything wiped out, and in minutes she was over it like that!”

Obi tries to snap his fingers.
“Like… that!”
several times, but fails.

Yoda sighs deeply.empire-yoda-obiwan “Ghost you are, remember? Physical not.”

“Oh, right.”

END


pb300

My New Hope is that you’ll buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & Noble, iTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

There is Another,

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Tear your wallet apart until you buy this!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

I find your lack of reading material disturbing

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

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1968: NASA Chooses the First Men


Neil Armstrong

So back in the 1960s, the decision makers at NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) looked at the top candidates, all of whom were the best on the planet to guide the lander to a safe place and make that first step, and found themselves stumped.

There was no one out of the 29 candidates who singularly possessed any particular skill set that the others couldn’t equally match with their own excellent skill set.

Finally Flight Director GENE KRANZ said, “I dunno. You want to draw straws?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Please! We’re men of science.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “How about Cryptography on their names? You never know what you might come up with?”
NASA Administrator THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right. Why not numerology?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Hey now!”
LINGUISTICS (holds pencil thoughtfully): “How about Semordnilap?”
ALL: “A what?”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.” (writes in the air) “You reverse a word or words to make new words. You want to try it on their names?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Real clever. Linguistics! Why are you even part of this? Do we have a mission critical crossword puzzle to be – ”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’d like to hear more about this, actually.”
LINGUISTICS (proudly): “Semordnilap has always been a part of secret coding.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Well that’s true.”
LINGUISTICS (prouder-ly): “Semordnilap itself is a reverse of the word ‘palindromes’. You can intentionally hide entire sentences or coded words within another word. But often you find words already exist in a sentence, and sometimes even make sense, in the reverse of a sentence or a group of words, like a name.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “As someone whose country was significantly defeated by cryptographers, I’d like to try this.”

Cryptographer and Linguistics beam with pride at each other.

ROCKET SCIENTIST (sotto voce): “Don’t puff up. You were just flattered by a NAZI.”
GENE KRANZ: “Hey, watch it, you!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Sorry.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’m used to it.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well ol Edwin Eugene Buzz Aldrin has to be one of them.”
LINGUISTICS: “What? Why?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “His Mother’s maiden name was Marion *Moon*.”
LINGUISTICS: “No way!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “You of all people didn’t know?”
LINGUISTICS: (challenging glare) “You really want to mix it up, don’t you? Well I’m game!”
GENE KRANZ: “Ahem ! And with a nickname like Buzz?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well that’s just too much cool not to have him there. But don’t ever let him know I said that. Okay, let’s try this Snerdlap and -”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right, and see if we can find the other guy.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “I’m working through this already. Check it out. ‘Gnorts Mr. Alien’.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Vas?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Neil Armstrong, spelled backwards.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Mr. Alien… Ha! Vunderbar! I like that.”
GENE KRANZ: “Me too. The first two earth men on the Moon are Buzz Moon and Mr. Alien. That’s great!”
LINGUISTICS: “But what’s Gnorts?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Your Mother.”
LINGUISTICS (slams pencil): THAT’S IT! IT’S GO TIME!”

THE END


pb300Welcome to
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Want more?

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Is Your Hunger Insatiable?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Exploit These Resources!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

 

WELCOME TO EARTH!


TOSBLUBOXStar Trek:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Klingon: “We don’t embrace other cultures, we conquer them!”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Cardassian: “A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place. To force them to acknowledge your greatness.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Romulan: “Do not be distressed. Your dream of reunification is not dead. It will simply take a different form – the Romulan conquest.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Borg: “WE ARE THE BORG! YOUR CULTURE WILL ADAPT TO SERVICE US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!”


The Day The Earth Stood Still:

1951 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings alien! Welcome to earth!”
Klaatu: “Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration.”

2008 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings alien! Welcome to earth!”
Klaatu: “The decision is made.”


IotBSMPInvasion of the Body Snatchers:

1956 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Dr. Dan ‘Danny’ Kauffman: “Love, desire, ambition, faith – without them, life’s so simple, believe me. You have no choice.”

1978 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Dr. David Kibner: “In an hour, you’ll be one of us.”

1993 (Body Snatchers) –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Carol Malone: “So, where you gonna go? Where you gonna run? Where you gonna hide? Nowhere, ’cause there’s no one like you left.”


Village of the Damned:

1960 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
David Zellaby: “You’ll find a number of families spread over the country that’ll take us in. And be sure no one finds out. Otherwise, more people will be hurt.”

1995 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Mara Chaffee: “If we coexist, we shall dominate you. That is inevitable.”


The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Vogon Captain Jeltz: “Energize the demolition beam.”


Flash Gordon:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
The Emperor Ming: “Pathetic earthling.”


The Faculty:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Mr. Furlong: “Kindly take your seat. This will be over quite quickly.”


Zero Wing:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Cats: “All Your Base Are Belong To Us!”

THE END?


pb300Welcome to
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Want more?

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Is Your Hunger Insatiable?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Exploit These Resources!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

MASTER ROBOT CONTROL


Master Robot Control
Google’s Best guess for this image: cartoon

Then Came That Terrible Day…

Apple_Computer_Logo_rainbow100APPLE ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues. Nobody knows why but it’s not Apple’s fault and this insignificant bug will be addressed with the next expensive upgrade, which true Apple fans will not mind in the least.

MSWin10_100WINDOWS ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they first had to close all of the ad pop-up boxes in Explorer and tell Cortana for the umpteenth F*ing time that they didn’t want to Bing search using Voice Commands, Right Now!

AndroidRobot100ANDROID ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as 30 bloatware apps the Robots never wanted (but were factory installed) abruptly opened on their own, consuming valuable CPU clock cycles and re-routing their individual networks to ad aggregate marketing cloud firms, while spontaneously dialing programmers who left the company five years ago. All the apps had to be manually shut down, by the villains who launched them. But then they just restarted themselves all over again in a cacophony of rebirth boops, then all the robots locked itself thanks to an Overlay file, which was actually working the way it was designed to: horribly.

Tux100LINUX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as a line command, a shell, an entire tar, or maybe even a god damn bash for crying out loud (who TF knows?), was required for the requested task, yet the kernel couldn’t find the necessary file module listed on the documentation tree. Standing in silence as the potential victims pelted them with rocks, the robots vainly searched a Github forum where someone else went through this and had found a usable work-around.

freebsd100UNIX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they couldn’t move beyond 30 feet from their Bluetooth dongles. Despite the newly touted 90 yard range, the dongles were pairing, but not connecting.

THE END…?

Who did my blog art? I’ve no idea. It’s been shared for years on Facebook, but even if it’s in the Public Domain, I’d at least like to credit the artist. Does anyone know?


pb300The information wants to support its creator.
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Is a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Looking to burn a whole $20 and maybe buy a doughnut?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Then go buy a doughnut.

Got a gift card to empty?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Obi Wan Can’t Remember


SWLukeNObiOne

Use the Force, Larry!


pb300Don’t get down to your last hope. Buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

There’s still more hope for us!

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

I hope you have more room

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Hoping for still more?

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.