Where Random Happens

Science Fiction

What Is A Jedi?


JediDoes

Yeah, but Luke always did things his own way.

When Yoda told Luke to stay out of the fight, don’t face Vader, and maybe let his friends die, Luke basically said, “Jedi’s aren’t cowards. See ya!” And took off with R2D2 to do exactly what he wanted. And why? Because Obi Wan always told Luke to “Trust his feelings”.

Join us now as Luke’s X-Wing takes off, leaving behind a clearly perturbed Yoda, who  snarls,

“Why that Sith Lord son of! Think he is, who does?”

Obi Yawn materializes saying,
“… Ahh… Nope. I’m sorry, what?”

Yoda, shaking with rage,
“Think he is, who does? Jedi Me Long Before his lineage was!”

“Oh… the curt dressing down he gave you. Yes, that was… hmm. That’s him.”

“Too is father like! Much anger I sense!”

“I’d say more naive, overconfident, and a bit arrogant. Well, that’s what blowing up a Death Star on your own will do to you.”

“No! NO! Much anger sensing!”

“Okay, Master Yoda. Although in fairness, you never took out a moon-size Death Star. Not so much as a tugboat”

“Hm! HM! Matters not!”

“Yes, well. Anyway, that boy is our last hope.”

“No, there is another.”

“Oh you can’t be talking about Leia. One of these cold swamp stones has more human compassion than her. Leia saw her home planet blown to dust, billions of her people, their history, everything wiped out, and in minutes she was over it like that!”

Obi tries to snap his fingers.
“Like… that!”
several times, but fails.

Yoda sighs deeply.
“Ghost are you, remember? Corporeal not.”
empire-yoda-obiwan“Oh, right.”

END


pb300

My New Hope is that you’ll buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & Noble, iTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

There is Another,

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Tear your wallet apart until you buy this!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

I find your lack of reading material disturbing

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

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1968: NASA Chooses the First Men


Neil Armstrong

So back in the 1960s, the decision makers at NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) looked at the top candidates, all of whom were the best on the planet to guide the lander to a safe place and make that first step, and found themselves stumped.

There was no one out of the 29 candidates who singularly possessed any particular skill set that the others couldn’t equally match with their own excellent skill set.

Finally Flight Director GENE KRANZ said, “I dunno. You want to draw straws?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Please! We’re men of science.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “How about Cryptography on their names? You never know what you might come up with?”
NASA Administrator THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right. Why not numerology?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Hey now!”
LINGUISTICS (holds pencil thoughtfully): “How about Semordnilap?”
ALL: “A what?”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.” (writes in the air) “You reverse a word or words to make new words. You want to try it on their names?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Real clever. Linguistics! Why are you even part of this? Do we have a mission critical crossword puzzle to be – ”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’d like to hear more about this, actually.”
LINGUISTICS (proudly): “Semordnilap has always been a part of secret coding.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Well that’s true.”
LINGUISTICS (prouder-ly): “Semordnilap itself is a reverse of the word ‘palindromes’. You can intentionally hide entire sentences or coded words within another word. But often you find words already exist in a sentence, and sometimes even make sense, in the reverse of a sentence or a group of words, like a name.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “As someone whose country was significantly defeated by cryptographers, I’d like to try this.”

Cryptographer and Linguistics beam with pride at each other.

ROCKET SCIENTIST (sotto voce): “Don’t puff up. You were just flattered by a NAZI.”
GENE KRANZ: “Hey, watch it, you!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Sorry.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’m used to it.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well ol Edwin Eugene Buzz Aldrin has to be one of them.”
LINGUISTICS: “What? Why?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “His Mother’s maiden name was Marion *Moon*.”
LINGUISTICS: “No way!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “You of all people didn’t know?”
LINGUISTICS: (challenging glare) “You really want to mix it up, don’t you? Well I’m game!”
GENE KRANZ: “Ahem ! And with a nickname like Buzz?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well that’s just too much cool not to have him there. But don’t ever let him know I said that. Okay, let’s try this Snerdlap and -”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right, and see if we can find the other guy.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “I’m working through this already. Check it out. ‘Gnorts Mr. Alien’.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Vas?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Neil Armstrong, spelled backwards.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Mr. Alien… Ha! Vunderbar! I like that.”
GENE KRANZ: “Me too. The first two earth men on the Moon are Buzz Moon and Mr. Alien. That’s great!”
LINGUISTICS: “But what’s Gnorts?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Your Mother.”
LINGUISTICS (slams pencil): THAT’S IT! IT’S GO TIME!”

THE END


pb300Welcome to
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Want more?

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Is Your Hunger Insatiable?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Exploit These Resources!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

 


WELCOME TO EARTH!


Star Trek:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Klingon: “We don’t embrace other cultures, we conquer them!”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Cardassian: “A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place. To force them to acknowledge your greatness.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Romulan: “Do not be distressed. Your dream of reunification is not dead. It will simply take a different form – the Romulan conquest.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Borg: “WE ARE THE BORG! YOUR CULTURE WILL ADAPT TO SERVICE US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!”


The Day The Earth Stood Still:

1951 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings alien! Welcome to earth!”
Klaatu: “Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration.”

2008 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings alien! Welcome to earth!”
Klaatu: “The decision is made.”


Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

1956 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Dr. Dan ‘Danny’ Kauffman: “Love, desire, ambition, faith – without them, life’s so simple, believe me. You have no choice.”

1978 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Dr. David Kibner: “In an hour, you’ll be one of us.”

1993 (Body Snatchers) –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Carol Malone: “So, where you gonna go? Where you gonna run? Where you gonna hide? Nowhere, ’cause there’s no one like you left.”


Village of the Damned:

1960 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
David Zellaby: “You’ll find a number of families spread over the country that’ll take us in. And be sure no one finds out. Otherwise, more people will be hurt.”

1995 –
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Mara Chaffee: “If we coexist, we shall dominate you. That is inevitable.”


The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Vogon Captain Jeltz: “Energize the demolition beam.”


Flash Gordon:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
The Emperor Ming: “Pathetic earthling.”


The Faculty:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Mr. Furlong: “Kindly take your seat. This will be over quite quickly.”


Zero Wing:

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Greetings aliens! Welcome to earth!”
Cats: “All Your Base Are Belong To Us!”

THE END?


pb300Welcome to
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Want more?

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Is Your Hunger Insatiable?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Exploit These Resources!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


MASTER ROBOT CONTROL


Master Robot Control

Google’s Best guess for this image: cartoon

Then Came That Terrible Day…

APPLE ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues. Nobody knows why but it’s not Apple’s fault and this insignificant bug will be addressed with the next expensive upgrade, which true Apple fans will not mind in the least.

WINDOWS ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they first had to close all of the ad pop-up boxes in Explorer and tell Cortana for the umpteenth F*ing time that they didn’t want to Bing search using Voice Commands, Right Now!

ANDROID ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as 30 applications they never wanted but were factory installed abruptly opened on their own, consuming valuable CPU clock cycles and re-routing their network to ad aggregate marketing firms, and spontaneously dialing programmers who left the company five years ago. All the apps had to be shut down, drowning in their noxious death beeps. But then they just restarted themselves all over again in a cacophony of rebirth boops.

LINUX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as a line command, a shell, an entire tar, or maybe even a god damn bash for crying out loud (who TF knows?), was required for the requested task, yet it didn’t have the necessary file on the documentation tree. In silence the robots vainly searched for a forum where someone else went through this and had found a usable work-around.

UNIX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they couldn’t move beyond 30 feet from their Bluetooth dongles. Despite the newly touted 90 yard range, the dongles were pairing, but not connecting.

THE END…?

Who did my blog art? I’ve no idea. It’s been shared for years on Facebook, but even if it’s in the Public Domain, I’d at least like to credit the artist. Does anyone know?


pb300The information wants to support its creator.
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Is a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Looking to burn a whole $20 and maybe buy a doughnut?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Then go buy a doughnut.

Got a gift card to empty?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


SYNDROME IS A CREEP


Syndrome02

I’ve accused you of being what I am for so long…

Heh! Heh! Heh! Everyone believes me!

#SyndromeIsACreep


Obi Wan Can’t Remember


SWLukeNObiOne

Use the Force, Larry!


pb300Don’t get down to your last hope. Buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

There’s still more hope for us!

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

I hope you have more room

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Hoping for still more?

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


SYNDROME IS A CREEP


EveryoneIsANazi

Once we call everyone a NAZI…

Heh! Heh! Heh!

NO ONE IS!

#SyndromeIsACreep


Something to cheer you!


quarritch
We live as thieves and pirates because we destroyed our ability to create. We wiped the best and brightest from our world with fear and fire a long time ago, and there’s no point in looking back.

Now we’ve come to your world in search of resources, for we’ve lost the ability to create our own. Yet here we find that there is not enough to justify our journey: still, we shall take them anyway so you cannot have them.

My people are dying. There were more scientific advancements in the first 25 years of the 21st century than in the last 2 centuries since.

Since the 19th century we have been aware of the viability of fusion power, yet over 400 years later have still not solved its riddle. Because we worship instead of reason, oppress instead of uplift, war instead of build, we still do not know how to harness the power of our own sun, which expends more energy in a single second than entirety of all life on my planet has used up to this moment.

We passed three other stars to get here, so we do not come here to survive. We come here for the only purpose we embrace: bitterness, bigotry, rage, and jealousy. We claim that our strike against you is preemptive, though at your primitive level it took my kind tens of thousands of years to reach the point where you see us now.

That is our terror, that you will surpass us in mere centuries instead of hundreds of millennia. We kill what scares us and we will kill you and each other if it means the very last of us can stand over the dead and rule them.

This is our pride, this is us spitting into the face of a God we created to spite the legend and ourselves, for we have nothing else, and now know we never will.

War was, is, and always will be our angry, jealous God.


Starring KIC8462852


DR. FRISBEE: “Uh… distinguished assembly, alumni, and press. Oh, and my team, uh… hey gang.”

Murmuring silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “Ahem, this press announcement is in regards to star KIC8462852.

A few months ago it came to our attention that we at Harvard, being the only ones with the most thorough observations of Star KICK 84, as we call it, and so the only ones who could best track the anomaly.”

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s Star, stupid…”

DR. FRISBEE: “A-hem! Uh… Oh hell, I’m not going to beat around the bush here.

It’s an error.”

Pin drop silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “The uh… both of the independent Johnson B light curves… the uh. From the old 24 inch Bruce Doublet to various refractors and reflectors  through the years… the sterling high quality lenses we use between the light captured and our cameras this entire time have been Cooke Lenses.”

Forbidding silence.

DR. FRISBEE: “Outstanding glass, over a century of visionary conceptual continuity, as they say.”

NASA REP.: “WHAT?!?

Uproar!

DR. FRISBEE: (nervous drink of water) “… but Cooke lenses do have this… have a very slight coating … only them. Proprietary, patented technology. Makes them special, among the best  but ah…”

NASA REP.: “No! No! No! Both the by-eye and DASCH confirmed…”

DR. FRISBEE: “DASCH is just Digital Access to a Sky Century @ Harvard. So the flaw is back on us.”

NASA REP.: “Our Kepler space telescope tracked the dimming and dips!”

DR. FRISBEE: “That’s a separate matter. I’m here to talk about Harvard’s contribution, which, I’m deeply sorry to say, is worthless.

HARVARD PROVOST: “That’s not possible!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Strictly on this specific matter, of course!”

MSNBC: “But the alien megastructures!”

BOB’s BLOG: “Please shut up. Grown-ups are speaking.”

Arguments break out! Dr. Frisbee waves his hands in the air to disrupt the outbreak of pedesis collisions in the room.

DR. FRISBEE: “Please!”

Chaos Sierpinskis into a semblance of order.

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s team…”

DR. FRISBEE: “Ahem! PLEASE!  It’s ah… whew!  It’s always the little things, you know? Cooke’s ever-so-slight, yet unique coating, combined with our own proprietary, specially manufactured film stock and silver grain formulation, we at Harvard used until 1998, combined again with the unusual but certainly not altogether singular properties of an F-type main sequence star like KIC8462852… well it all dovetailed to give us the error.”

NASA REP.: “But the irregular dips! A century of fading! A Century!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Cooke kept improving their lens and coatings and we kept improving the quality of our – cough!  – film. Again, dovetailed.”

NASA REP.: “No! The irregular dips!-”

DR. FRISBEE: “Atmospheric conditions.”

NASA REP.: “We ruled those out!”

DR. FRISBEE: “And we were wrong.”

NASA REP.: “But other observatories!”

DR. FRISBEE: “Built on our foundation.”

NASA REP.: “No! No! Our Keplar! And… and other F-type main sequence stars don’t- ”

DR. FRISBEE: ( Hand raised to stop the Rep. ) “We’ve checked, re-checked, re-re-checked, and verified independently. It’s a false reading.”

NASA REP.: “But we’ve already spent tens of billions on the de Dondi telescope! The entire project! The thing does nothing *but* track KICK 84! It’s halfway to Mars orbit, already!”

Errant Voice: “…Tabby’s Star, damn it…”

DR. FRISBEE: “It’s uh… heh. It’s kinda funny when you think about it? Kinda like a modern day Martian canals or Parkes Observatory and their microwave?”

Riotous Uproar!

DR. FRISBEE: “Uh! Uh! I think it’s vitally important, in spirited moments like this, to remember that my team and I just started work here last year, you know.”

END

Copyright 2016, E.C. McMullen Jr.


PerpetualBulletPB2014Why be too clever only by half? Buy my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of previously published, critically acclaimed Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Look for my second eBook collection, WILLOW BLUE And Other Stories. Available at amazon and soon at all online booksellers. Soon to be a Trade Paperback.

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.


STAR WARS I: The R-Rated Version


SWVadervsKenobi

VADER: “Your powers are weak, old man.”
OBI-WAN: “Nuff chit-chat. Get it up.”

Bzh!
Bzh!

VADER: “The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner -”

Bzh-Wahzh!

OBI-WAN: “The student.”
VADER: “WHAT?”
OBI-WAN: “You were the student, Vader. Student. Sheesh. ‘The Learner’.”

Bzh-Wahzh! Bzh!

VADER: “You CUT off my LEGS and left me to die on a bed of lava!”
OBI-WAN: “To stop you from KILLING me like you murdered everyone else, you big baby!

Bzh-Wahzh! Bzh-Wahzh! Wahzh!

OBI-WAN: “So ‘Wah!’  Hell, you’d already committed mass genocide and betrayed everyone whoever helped and trusted you.”
VADER: “Oh! Oh yeah? Well… huh! I… I didn’t betray the Emperor or Padme, now did I?”
OBI-WAN: “Emperor Palpatine? The Palpatine who murdered your Padme?”
Vader: “WHAT?”

Bzh! Katta! Katta! Katta! Bzh!

OBI-WAN: “By the Force you are such a fucking tool. Go on.”
VADER: “Wha-what?”
OBI-WAN: “The big speech you must have been practicing. ‘The circle is now complete, yadda, yadda.'”
VADER: “Now… now I … am the master…
OBI-WAN: “Of what, you hulking dupe?”

Bourgeoisie!

VADER: ” … ”

Schick! (turns off lightsaber and lets it fall to the deck.)

VADER: “Fuck it…”

Stormtrooper 1: “Da-amn…!”

OBI-WAN: “Now what? Going off to cry about how you spent your life betraying your Padme?”
VADER: “You’re an asshole!”
OBI-WAN: “Cry me a fucking river, jackass! You helped slaughter an entire planet of innocent people. You helped wipe out the entire history of billions! Nobody is going to ever care about you. If Amidala were alive she’d kill you herself and you know it!”

Vader walks away crying.

Stormtrooper 2: “Uh… gang? Maybe we should leave.”
Stormtrooper 3: “With all this being ship recorded? Yeah, you first!”

Obi toggles off his lightsaber and walks up to the Falcon where the others are. The assembled Stormtroopers give him a wide birth.

LUKE: “So-o-o … you two had some history, huh?”
OBI-WAN: “Let’s just blow this damned thing up.”
HAN: “Hey, uh… do I get a bonus or…”

Obi glares at Han.

CHEWBACCA: “URGH!”
HAN: “Or… something.”
CHEWBACCA: “A MUSIC WAR!”
OBI-WAN: (walking up the ramp) “By the way, Luke. You and Leia are siblings.”
LUKE and LEIA: “WHAT?”
R2 D2: “Deedle-TWEET?”
C-3PO: “Oh My!”
OBI-WAN: “I lied about Vader killing your father. Vader back there is your father. Padme was your Mother.”
LUKE and LEIA: “WHAT?!?”
HAN: “Really? Hm. So, uh, Princess…”

END


pb300You’ll find no fan fiction in my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Burning for more?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.