Where Random Happens

Art

What Is A Jedi?


JediDoes

Yeah, but Luke always did things his own way.

When Yoda told Luke to stay out of the fight, don’t face Vader, and maybe let his friends die, Luke basically said, “Jedi’s aren’t cowards. See ya!” And took off with R2D2 to do exactly what he wanted. And why? Because Obi Wan always told Luke to “Trust his feelings”.

Join us now as Luke’s X-Wing takes off, leaving behind a clearly perturbed Yoda, who  snarls,

“Why that Sith Lord son of! Think he is, who does?”

Obi Yawn materializes saying,
“… Ahh… Nope. I’m sorry, what?”

Yoda, shaking with rage,
“Think he is, who does? Jedi Me Long Before his lineage was!”

“Oh… the curt dressing down he gave you. Yes, that was… hmm. That’s him.”

“Too is father like! Much anger I sense!”

“I’d say more naive, overconfident, and a bit arrogant. Well, that’s what blowing up a Death Star on your own will do to you.”

“No! NO! Much anger sensing!”

“Okay, Master Yoda. Although in fairness, you never took out a moon-size Death Star. Not so much as a tugboat”

“Hm! HM! Matters not!”

“Yes, well. Anyway, that boy is our last hope.”

“No, there is another.”

“Oh you can’t be talking about Leia. One of these cold swamp stones has more human compassion than her. Leia saw her home planet blown to dust, billions of her people, their history, everything wiped out, and in minutes she was over it like that!”

Obi tries to snap his fingers.
“Like… that!”
several times, but fails.

Yoda sighs deeply.
“Ghost are you, remember? Corporeal not.”
empire-yoda-obiwan“Oh, right.”

END


pb300

My New Hope is that you’ll buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (AmazonBarnes & Noble, iTunes,
KoboBooksSmashwordsWHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

There is Another,

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Tear your wallet apart until you buy this!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

I find your lack of reading material disturbing

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

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1968: NASA Chooses the First Men


Neil Armstrong

So back in the 1960s, the decision makers at NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) looked at the top candidates, all of whom were the best on the planet to guide the lander to a safe place and make that first step, and found themselves stumped.

There was no one out of the 29 candidates who singularly possessed any particular skill set that the others couldn’t equally match with their own excellent skill set.

Finally Flight Director GENE KRANZ said, “I dunno. You want to draw straws?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Please! We’re men of science.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “How about Cryptography on their names? You never know what you might come up with?”
NASA Administrator THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right. Why not numerology?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Hey now!”
LINGUISTICS (holds pencil thoughtfully): “How about Semordnilap?”
ALL: “A what?”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.” (writes in the air) “You reverse a word or words to make new words. You want to try it on their names?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Real clever. Linguistics! Why are you even part of this? Do we have a mission critical crossword puzzle to be – ”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’d like to hear more about this, actually.”
LINGUISTICS (proudly): “Semordnilap has always been a part of secret coding.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Well that’s true.”
LINGUISTICS (prouder-ly): “Semordnilap itself is a reverse of the word ‘palindromes’. You can intentionally hide entire sentences or coded words within another word. But often you find words already exist in a sentence, and sometimes even make sense, in the reverse of a sentence or a group of words, like a name.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “As someone whose country was significantly defeated by cryptographers, I’d like to try this.”

Cryptographer and Linguistics beam with pride at each other.

ROCKET SCIENTIST (sotto voce): “Don’t puff up. You were just flattered by a NAZI.”
GENE KRANZ: “Hey, watch it, you!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Sorry.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “I’m used to it.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well ol Edwin Eugene Buzz Aldrin has to be one of them.”
LINGUISTICS: “What? Why?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “His Mother’s maiden name was Marion *Moon*.”
LINGUISTICS: “No way!”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “You of all people didn’t know?”
LINGUISTICS: (challenging glare) “You really want to mix it up, don’t you? Well I’m game!”
GENE KRANZ: “Ahem ! And with a nickname like Buzz?”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Well that’s just too much cool not to have him there. But don’t ever let him know I said that. Okay, let’s try this Snerdlap and -”
LINGUISTICS: “Semordnilap.”
THOMAS O. PAINE: “Right, and see if we can find the other guy.”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “I’m working through this already. Check it out. ‘Gnorts Mr. Alien’.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Vas?”
CRYPTOGRAPHER: “Neil Armstrong, spelled backwards.”
WERNHER VON BRAUN: “Mr. Alien… Ha! Vunderbar! I like that.”
GENE KRANZ: “Me too. The first two earth men on the Moon are Buzz Moon and Mr. Alien. That’s great!”
LINGUISTICS: “But what’s Gnorts?”
ROCKET SCIENTIST: “Your Mother.”
LINGUISTICS (slams pencil): THAT’S IT! IT’S GO TIME!”

THE END


pb300Welcome to
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection?
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Want more?

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Is Your Hunger Insatiable?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Exploit These Resources!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

 


CALL FROM NEW YORK


I'll be your Bartender today

I got a call from New York.

On the message they left I could make out my somewhat enunciated name and the number I should call back. The rest of the message was the worst mangling of the English language I’d ever heard in my life!

It was like someone with a mouthful of marbles trying to speak to me while gargling: Fully unintelligible.

Minutes later they called back a second time, sounded like the same person, again enunciating my name and the phone number I should call, and obliterating everything else.

I can’t even guess at the accent: Anything from German to Pakistani.

It’s actually angered me so much that I blocked their freaking number.

Gargling at me with a mouthful of marbles? How DARE you speak to me that way?

END


wb2016Enjoy refreshingly clear communication when you buy my book, WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Own it and want more? Buy
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Have you become a fan?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


PANDORA


PandoraLogoToday I’m in the mood for electronic music. So I go to my Synergy station at Pandora.

In addition to Synergy they also play a song by Tangerine Dream. I adore the music of Tangerine Dream so I give the song a Thumbs Up!

Mm. That song was from SORCERER soundtrack. So now I get another electronic soundtrack tune from THE MATRIX. Thumbs Up too.

Oh Noes! Pandora thinks I like Soundtracks!

Now I’m getting flooded with music to Ben Hur and Sound of Music!
Thumbs Down! Thumbs Down!

I get an ad. That will teach me.

Next I’m given an electronic tune by Mantronix. That’s more like it. Thumbs Up.
Roger? Sure. Thumbs Up.

Oh Noes! Pandora thinks I like … black boy bands?!?

Now I’m flooded with Tony! Toni! Tone! and H-Town and … Cameo? Seriously?
Thumbs Down! Thumbs Down! Thumbs Down!

Oh Noes!

I’ve reached the limit of Thumbs Down that Pandora will accept! I have to take whatever they give me next without rejection.

So after the ad?

A Broadway Show tune from … RENT?!?

GAHH!!!

Pandora300

Pandora by John William Waterhouse – 1896

END


wb2016Open the lid on your very own box of evil when you buy my book, WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Addicted already? Buy
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Have you become a fan?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


MASTER ROBOT CONTROL


Master Robot Control

Google’s Best guess for this image: cartoon

Then Came That Terrible Day…

APPLE ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues. Nobody knows why but it’s not Apple’s fault and this insignificant bug will be addressed with the next expensive upgrade, which true Apple fans will not mind in the least.

WINDOWS ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they first had to close all of the ad pop-up boxes in Explorer and tell Cortana for the umpteenth F*ing time that they didn’t want to Bing search using Voice Commands, Right Now!

ANDROID ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as 30 applications they never wanted but were factory installed abruptly opened on their own, consuming valuable CPU clock cycles and re-routing their network to ad aggregate marketing firms, and spontaneously dialing programmers who left the company five years ago. All the apps had to be shut down, drowning in their noxious death beeps. But then they just restarted themselves all over again in a cacophony of rebirth boops.

LINUX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as a line command, a shell, an entire tar, or maybe even a god damn bash for crying out loud (who TF knows?), was required for the requested task, yet it didn’t have the necessary file on the documentation tree. In silence the robots vainly searched for a forum where someone else went through this and had found a usable work-around.

UNIX ROBOT WARSBut just as the robots were about to attack, they stopped, still as statues, as they couldn’t move beyond 30 feet from their Bluetooth dongles. Despite the newly touted 90 yard range, the dongles were pairing, but not connecting.

THE END…?

Who did my blog art? I’ve no idea. It’s been shared for years on Facebook, but even if it’s in the Public Domain, I’d at least like to credit the artist. Does anyone know?


pb300The information wants to support its creator.
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Is a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Looking to burn a whole $20 and maybe buy a doughnut?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Then go buy a doughnut.

Got a gift card to empty?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


Ernest said…


ErnestHemingway_FeoAmante

“The first draft of anything is always shit… always.”
– Ernest Hemingway

Well that’s depressing.

I’m the first child.


IF SOMEONE HAS MORE…


If A PERSON HAS MORE

Satire on the “If Someone Has More Than Me” meme-

If A Man has a House Stacked to the Ceiling with Newspapers, We Call Him Crazy

If A Woman has a Trailer House full of Cats, We Call Her Nuts

When People Pathologically Hoard so much Cash that they Impoverish Others, We put them on the cover of Fortune Magazine and pretend they are Role Models

If Someone has a House Stacked to the Ceiling with Books, Ok, Where ever this is going, I Think I’m Being Insulted!


SYNDROME IS A CREEP


Syndrome02

I’ve accused you of being what I am for so long…

Heh! Heh! Heh! Everyone believes me!

#SyndromeIsACreep


Musical Neighbors


3AM

Ah… this brings back memories.

I once lived in an apartment below a group of musicians. I too was a musician and was sharing the monthly costs, with my bandmates, for a storeroom where we could practice.

But these guys, who were a House band for a club on the other end of town, would come back from a gig at 2 or 3am on a Saturday, Sunday, & Monday morning, and start partying with the groupies.

I was polite the first four times.

I was stern the fifth time.

On the sixth time, I got out of bed, went straight up to their apartment without getting dressed first (which means I was naked), banged loudly on the door, and heard the idiots inside loudly, Stonedly, telling each other “Sh! Sh! Sh!”

My neighbor opened the door with the expression and posture of one who is faking both sober and innocent. Then he realized what he was seeing and his posture fell apart.

Brad: “JESUS CHRIST, MAN!”

Me: “Brad, I have no problem letting my band come over -”

Brad: “Holy FUCK! You’re naked!?! What the FUCK?!?

Me: “Shut up. I have no problem letting my band come over and practice while you are trying to sleep before a gig.”

I stepped into his apartment. Everybody was silent.

Brad: “What’s WRONG with you, dude? Get some fucking clothes-“

Me: “Shut up. So now I AM going to practice full blast while you are trying to sleep before your weekend gigs.”

Brad: “Put some fucking clothes on, man!”

Me: “Unless I too have a gig that night, I am going to practice full blast during the day while you are trying to sleep for every god damn night of your gigs. Our neighbors will be enjoying their weekend during the day while my band and I practice. So who do you think they will complain about? Me or you?”

Brad: “I’m fucking reporting you to the fucking manager!”

Me: “Well you should do that right now, Brad! Because she’s up! You woke her! I know! She was coming out of her apartment when she saw me and dodged right back in!

Brad: “. . .”

Me: “She’s probably already called the cops.”

Brad: “. . .!”

Me: “With this fog of pot in here, you should probably fumigate your place down with Lysol! Why? Because Lysol will Really make the cops CRAZY suspicious when they talk to you. See if you can talk while holding your breath, too! Good luck keeping your House gig at Wild Wild West.”

I left, and everybody hustled out of there to parts unknown. The cops did come and the property manager let them into Brad’s place.

They knocked on my door,
“No, I’ve no idea where they went.
Now that you mention it, I think I Did smell marijuana.
Have I been smoking marijuana (nice long deep breath of air at their face) Nope.
Did I go up to their apartment naked? I’m not sure. I’m a sleepwalker.”

A moving truck came for his shit, but I never saw Brad again.

Now then –

Different folks have a different reaction to my story (depending on who they sympathize with), but even when I recall it now, I fall in love with myself all over again!

END


pb300Fall in love with my work,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Books are like albums, so you’ll want to celebrate my whole catalog!

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Sometimes I get together with other bands,

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


Addressing the Ghost in the Room


I don’t want to pick on George Dvorsky as he certainly isn’t the only one who believes this way. But I have to start with someone or else this post will come off as a Strawman and I’m left arguing with air.

AndromedaSG

The Andromeda Galaxy! Coming soon to a galaxy near you!

First, his 2013 article at io9,
11 of the Weirdest Solutions to the Fermi Paradox

I’m not going to address his 11 Weirdest Solutions, as they are a fun read and I’m a man who enjoys a fun read even if it’s Terry Pratchett fantasy (and I’m a man who enjoys Terry Pratchett fantasy).

Instead I’m going to address the initial false conjecture, which is based entirely upon Taking Things for Granted at a galactic scale.+

The launch supposition,
“Most people take it for granted that we have yet to make contact with an extraterrestrial civilization. Trouble is, the numbers don’t add up. Our Galaxy is so old that every corner of it should have been visited many, many times over by now.”

Is gargantuan-ly incorrect*. Our galaxy is so old and YET so expansive (100,000 to 180,000 light years from end to end. The writer *really* needs to let that sink in.) that every part of it couldn’t possibly have been visited within the space of 9.5 billion years. Imagine the life forms that possibly rose, gained intelligence plus technological advancement, turned their technological advancement to other systems, and had the ability to visit those other systems across a galaxy (assumed to be spiral barrel shaped like the Andromeda Galaxy~) that is – to be stressed – 100,000 to 180,000 light years diameter and over 20,000 light years deep. We still don’t know if our galaxy is 100,000 light years across or double that.

Such monumental travel is something we have not begun, though we’ve had the initial capability since the 1950s. Now add the optimistically broad assumption that all went so well for said Aliens that they advanced to the next stage beyond us.

Well just how far is that?

We have no idea.

Ray Kurzweil posits that the next stage is Singularity and that means anything from centuries added to our lives and becoming Super Beings to the Robot take-over to humanity becoming beings of energy. In other words, the next watershed event in humanity could take us to the point that who we are now would and/or could not recognize ourselves as life forms, any more than amoebas could recognize a whole human being as a technologically advanced single life form.

This is a logical progression when you account for the fact that our solar system didn’t form until about 10 Billion years after our galaxy formed (our sun is the progeny of other stars that were born, existed, died, and exploded). The first billion years of the Sol system, as we’ve come to regard it, didn’t have its planets form until after about the first billion years of our sun’s existence: our sun is about 4.5 billion years old.

Even if we said that our area of the galaxy may have been visited many times over during the first 10 billion years, the overwhelming result of that would have been aliens looking at a primordial, gaseous cloud, in turn possibly containing planets: uninhabitable and so devoid of life.

In the last 2 billion years? Maybe one of the smallest planets, dangerously close to its star, developed simple life forms. Then that planet got wiped out by another planet.

A few hundred million years later, this now hybrid planet showed single celled life forms again.

They wiped themselves out by polluting their atmosphere with oxygen.

Billions of years later, less than half of our sun’s age,  Prokaryotic single cells appeared (first cells, no nucleus). This generously occurred about 2.1 billion years ago.

Actual multicellular animal life forms rose about 600 million years ago and fell, rose and fell: mass extinctions on an epic scale never seen before or since. Eventually the age of the dinosaurs ceased forever – when the earth no longer had enough oxygen in the atmosphere to support such land-based megafauna – and then came the age of the mammal.

And then it happened all over again. Entire species rose and fell, rose and fell: mass extinctions on a smaller scale yet still epic enough by comparison to never be seen since.

To any of the multitudes of passing aliens keeping track over the course of their species’ lifetime – and let’s make the fantastical assumption that they found and translated long dead historical transcripts of other long dead ancient planetary species that had come and gone into singularity in the multi-billions of years that had gone before – earth must have looked like one hellishly inhospitable place!

The earliest stage of true human, you and me, Cro-Magnon, didn’t appear until about 43 thousand years ago and we didn’t become technologically advanced (I’m being so very liberal with this concept) until about 5,000 years ago – the Bronze Age.

Humanity couldn’t attempt communication with possible alien life (transmit and receive a recognizable communication) until less than half a century ago. Once analog is completely gone from our modern tech – gone the way of punch card and punch tape computers – it will be impossible to find any analog xenoform signals.

And! AND! AND!  This is entirely under a STUPIFYINGLY obtuse concept, which is:

“Well Of course Intelligent Aliens would communicate across the Vast Gulfs of space using a Weak Analog Radio Signal;
Virtually Indistinguishable from the massively powerful random analog radio signals being spewed out by their own Star AND Every Single Star along the route –
ALL within this Strictly Narrow slice of ALL radio spectrums;
In Turn within this Strictly Narrow slice of the sky we are looking at;
Using a technology that was Old when we created Big Ear in 1956;
That’s been receiving signals ever since that We Still Can’t Comprehend using Strictly Narrow parameters
WE Created for understanding Alien Communication in the First Place –
A
nd On Top Of All That
Within the Strictly Narrow confines of a language that we can recognize!

DUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

Triple-facePalmWe can’t even use a digital receiver to recognize a digital signal – our OWN digital signals – from the rest of the universal clutter or “static” unless we first have the codec/software to translate it.

Analog receivers are blind to digital. That’s under the Facepalm preposterous idea that technologically advanced aliens would – naturally – be using 19th Century analog or 20th Century digital radio signals to communicate! The only aliens we stand a chance of communicating with would have to exactly match OUR level of technological advancement.

Oh, I forgot still another thing – they have to be within 1,000 light years of us. Outside of that, you know, the other 199,000 light years across and 19,000 light years depth of our galaxy alone, we’ve got nothing. No way to hear anything.

So the “Great Silence” that covers less than a 1,000 light year freckle of our galaxy and a 50 year molecule worth of time out of our system’s existence – is nothing to a life form so technologically advanced that galaxy hopping Faster Than Light (FTL)  is a snap.

With all of that stacked against us, how can anyone reasonably entertain the preposterous notion that intelligent life does not exist on other planets … Because WE haven’t found it?

END

+ Just look at how people, perhaps you, take things for granted at a mere Solar system scale. Check out Josh Worth’s If The Moon Were Only 1 Pixel.moonpixel2

~ FUN FACT: Our Milky Way galaxy is on a collision course with the Andromeda galaxy. Theoretically the collision/merging/tearing asunder may have already begun (we’ve no true idea of how wide our galaxy is. We can’t see that far from our point of view). We’ll know for certain anywhere in up to the next 100,000 to 180,000 years. In any case, since we’re in the outer arm spiral of the Milky Way, it’s possible that our solar system may be ripped out of our current galaxy long before our star is set to expire.

I say current because it is within the realm of possibility that our solar system was captured by the Milky Way in the first place – possibly (again) from a prior collision – instead of being born here. A whole hell of a lot can happen to a universe in 14 or so billion years.

*Again, this is based on one widely accepted initial concept which Dvorsky is postulating upon and not at all on George’s list of wild theories. George wrote an enjoyable read, backed by real-world suppositions from actual scientists and it’s worth checking out. I could have picked someone other than George as my starting point, but their articles are all rather dry.^

^Which is not to say that George’s article is all wet. I’m not new to the ‘Net. I know how some folks love to look for a safe keyboard courage fight, you scurrilous bastards.


pb300The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything (and it’s not 42 – Please forgive me, I’m sorry I had to say that) can be found in
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Looking to burn a whole $20 and maybe buy a sucrose infused torus?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Then go buy the doughnut.

Got a gift card to empty?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.