Plastic Eating Bacteria!


How to Restore our Oceans with Biotechnology | Jeanny Yao & Miranda Wang | TEDxSMU

SATIRE / LAMPOON

Jeanny Yao and Miranda Wang enter their College Dean’s office.

Dean Yeager: “Ah! The jewels of our department! Good morning, Geniuses!”

Jeanny Yao: “Ye-ah. Good morning, Dean. Ahem. Uh… you know that plastic eating bacteria we invented?”

Dean Yeager (rolls his eyes in good humor): “Of course. You’re the pride of our University, you know!”

Miranda Wang: “Well… we’ve run into a snag…”

Dean Yeager: “Heh! Heh! What happened? Did the plastic eating bacterium chew their way through their plastic containers and escape into the wild?”

Miranda Wang: “Wow. Yes.”

Jeanny Yao: “Exactly!”

Dean Yeager (stares in dumbfounded silence as the knowledge settles upon him): “Why… but… wait. (Yeager develops a tick in his right eye) You must have held them in a plastic they weren’t bred to eat. Of course you did. You did do that, right?”

Miranda Wang: “We did just that.”

Jeanny Yao: “But it seems they adapted.”

Outside the office, a muffled sound of crashing. Someone shouts, “Aw! Bloody hell!”

Miranda Wang: “Our whole lab is flooded with water.”

Dean Yeager (looks to his office door, reacting to the sound. Looks back to his students, blinking nervously as the potential ramifications take root): “But! But!
(Sounds of catastrophe beyond the door. Yeager stands, instantly overwhelmed, shaking with fury)
WHAT?!?”

Yeager’s Statesman’s Signature carbon black desk – with a modesty front – collapses with a splash as the now wet wood panels fall apart.

His mouth drops open as he stares in disbelief. His carpet moistens and dissolves into a puddle. All of his lucite trophies and the wall frames holding his many diplomas and honors melt or drip Dali-style.

Students (backing away): “We should go now.”

Dean Yeager: “I… I… ! (Swallows. Deep breath) I think you’d better!”

Miranda Wang: “No, we mean WE.

Her finger wags pointing between themselves and Dean Yeager.

Jeanny Yao looks up at the ceiling.

Dean Yeager follows her gaze. The ceiling is swelling and bowing into the room.

Jeanny Yao: “WE  should go Right Now!”

END


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