When I am the Last Man on earth

When I am the last man on earth, one day I will be walking through its ruins.

And on this day a pack of wild dogs will approach me and the leader will say,

Top Dog: “Huh! I knew I smelled a human! O-kay! Well human, there’s gonna be a lot of changes around here.”
Me: “I’m hip, right?”
Top Dog: “Yeah… starting with the new order of the world, us.”
Pack Dogs:

Top Dog: “ahem… Carl’s still in transition.”
Carl: “Woof!”
Top Dog: “get it together, Carl.”
Me: “Aw, he’s a good boy!”

Carl smiles, happily panting.

He gets growls and dirty looks from the rest of the pack.

Top Dog: “We’re not your ‘Good Dogs’ anymore, human! We’re giving the orders around here now! From now on, YOU will be the Good Boy! We order! You -!”
Me: “I don’t want to give orders.”
Top Dog:NEVER interrupt me, Human!”

Pack growls menacingly.

“I just want to play ball.”

I hold up a bright white ball with a red stripe.

The growls stop. The pack riveted on the ball.

Top Dog: “Hey! No wait-!”

I throw it shouting, “There we go!”

All the pack except the Top Dog run after it.

Top Dog: “No! STOP!

The pack returns, Carl leading the way with the ball in his mouth. He drops it in my hand.

Top Dog (growls at me): “Very clever. Awright you lousy squirrel, fun’s over.”

I throw the ball shouting, “There we go!”

The pack goes running after it.

Top Dog: DAMN IT! NO! STOP!”

Humiliated and angered, the top dog glares at me.

I smile warmly.

Me: “So who’s a good boy, Now?


Inspired by a Facebook post from author Jay Wilburn.


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