How I Personally Rid Us of the Dalek Invasion
Dalek: “WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS! WE WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE ALL LIFE! ALL DISSENT! SUBMIT OR BE EX-TER-MIN-ATE-ED!“
Me: “So, you guys are supposed to be inviolate, yes?”
Dalek: “WE ARE IN-VI-O-LATE!“
Me: “And supreme right? Not just simply better, but supreme?”
Dalek: “WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS!”
Me: “And you are self-sustaining robots, you don’t eat, drink, or shit.”
Dalek: “WE ARE ABOVE ALL PRIM-I-TIVE CONCERNS! WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS!”
Me: “So what could you possibly need with slaves? It’s like me going to a lot of trouble to enslave bees. OH! Is that it? You desire our precious bodily essence?”
Dalek: “UGH! DIS-GUSTING CREA-TURE! YOU WILL MINE YOUR WORLD, NOW OUR WORLD, FOR ITS RE-SOURCES! THEN WE WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOU!”
Me: “But superior machines can perform mining hundreds of thousands of times better than any mass of humans. Even humans know that. We’ve used machines for centuries!”
Dalek: “… COMPUTING… COMPUTING… THERE IS STILL THE WHOLE EX-TER-MIN-ATE THING! BUT ONE MO-MENT! THING-KING!”
Me: “Not to mention the fact that, just to reach earth, you passed the orbits of many Jovian planets with hundreds of thousands of times greater mining resources – “
Dalek: “SHUT-UP FOR ONE MO-MENT! WE ARE THING-KING! “
Me: ” – than earth could possibly have, even if it was just one solid ball of your favorite mineral.”
Dalek: “WE SAID SHUT-UP! WE ARE THING-KING! ONE MO-MENT!”
Me: “Seems like cross-purposes, is all.”
Dalek: “SHUT-UP DAMN YOU! THING-KING! SHUT-UP!”
Me: “Just saying…”
Dalek: “EX-TER-MIN-ATE! SO HELP ME! IF YOU DON’T SHUT-UP! THING-KING!”
Suddenly the Dalek returned to its spaceship. After a few seconds and some energy blaster noise, they threw their unarmed leader out, and flew away.
Davros: “WHAT!? WHAT!? JUST!? HAPPENED!?”
Me: “I’m your Huckleberry.”
Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Photo from, Cheezburger.com
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