How I Personally Rid Us of the Dalek Invasion
Dalek: “WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS! WE WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE ALL LIFE! ALL DISSENT! SUBMIT OR BE EX-TER-MIN-ATE-ED!“
Me: “So, you guys are supposed to be inviolate, yes?”
Dalek: “WE ARE IN-VI-O-LATE!“
Me: “And supreme right? Not just simply better, but supreme?”
Dalek: “WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS!”
Me: “And you are self-sustaining robots, you don’t eat, drink, or shit.”
Dalek: “WE ARE ABOVE ALL PRIM-I-TIVE CONCERNS! WE ARE THE SU-PREME BEINGS!”
Me: “So what could you possibly need with slaves? It’s like me going to a lot of trouble to enslave bees. OH! Is that it? You desire our precious bodily essence?”
Dalek: “UGH! DIS-GUSTING CREA-TURE! YOU WILL MINE YOUR WORLD, NOW OUR WORLD, FOR ITS RE-SOURCES! THEN WE WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOU!”
Me: “But superior machines that don’t eat, drink, shit or sleep can perform mining hundreds of thousands of times better than any mass of humans. Even humans know that. We’ve used machines for centuries!”
Dalek: “… WAIT …. ONE MOMENT … COMPUTING… COMPUTING… THERE IS STILL THE WHOLE EX-TER-MIN-ATE THING! BUT ONE MO-MENT! THING-KING!”
Me: “Not to mention the fact that, just to reach earth, you passed the orbits of many Jovian planets with millions of times greater mining resources – ”
Dalek: “… SHUT-UP FOR ONE MO-MENT! THING-KING! “
Me: ” – than earth could possibly have, even if it was just one solid ball of your favorite mineral.”
Dalek: “WE SAID SHUT-UP! WE ARE THING-KING! ONE MO-MENT!”
Me: “Seems like cross-purposes, is all.”
Dalek: “SHUT-UP DAMN YOU! THING-KING! SHUT-UP!”
Me: “Just saying…”
Dalek: “EX-TER-MIN-ATE! SO! HELP! ME! IF! YOU! DON’T! SHUT-UP! THING-KING!”
Suddenly the Dalek returned to its spaceship. After a few seconds and some energy blaster noise, they threw their unarmed leader out, and flew away.
Davros: “WHAT!?! WHAT!?! JUST!?! HAPPENED!?!”
Me: “I’m your Huckleberry.”
Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Photo from, Cheezburger.com
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