Where Random Happens

SEO


A person recently tried to impress me. She said she worked for the leading SEO company. SEO meaning Search Engine Optimization. I have a curious mind, I’m curious about the world, so right there on my phone I did a search on SEO. Because she was specific. She didn’t say she worked for “A” leading search engine company, which is kinda vague – fair but vague – but that she worked for “THE” leading search engine company. So I’m using a search engine – not going to say which one, they make billions, they can freaking pay me for promoting them.

Screw them.

So I do a search right there on my phone  and the name of her company doesn’t appear on the first page. I don’t want to be a dick though, so I give her company a chance and go to the second page. Her company isn’t there either. I’ve gone past a listing for the Wikipedia page on SEOs already. I give up on the third page because nobody goes past the third page.

Unless, you know, you’re trying to dig up dirt on your spouse or something.

And then! Then she tells me that doesn’t mean anything. That not getting top billed page rank on the Search results of a Search Engine when you are a Search Engine Optimization company – THE leading search engine optimization company – doesn’t mean anything.

You know what these SEO companies do? They charge people, promising to give their client’s website top billing on a search engine page! Now how can you trust a company to do that for you if they can’t do that for themselves? And this wasn’t anybody in the SEO company, this was the Hiring Manager of the company!

Did I mention this was during a job interview? Yeah, I was being interviewed for a job with a “leading” SEO company.

Though by no means THE leading SEO company.

Now these are economically tough times, very tough, and I really needed this job. But in the space of milliseconds, during a brief but uncomfortable silence, I remembered that there were times in my life when I also felt that I really needed a girlfriend.

And it is during those times of desperation, finding a job, getting a girlfriend, when you really have to stop and be honest with yourself. And its even more important for a job than a marriage because…

Come on, your wife isn’t going to pay you for a job well done (a bonus, maybe, but…). And you’re never, ever going to get a raise or promotion.

I’m not being philosophical here.

So when the hiring manager of THE leading SEO company tells me that the reason their biz isn’t found in the first three pages of returns on a search engine is because that doesn’t mean anything, I’m like…

Oh, I really think it does.

I have a website. It’s a Horror Thriller website. And if you do a search on any major search engine, mine is sure as hell at the top. Many of my pages are at the top. Hell, that fact alone is why they want to hire me.

So I know that this company is incompetent, right? And my silence must have surely told her that, so SHE knows I know, right?

And if I work at this company, that means my boss is an incompetent moron who doesn’t know how to do the job at hand. And they are going to be giving me my orders every day. And I’ll be doing the work I’m told to do, KNOWING that it is the wrong thing!

Worse! As things continued to spiral down with this company, my idiot boss, in a last ditch attempt to hold onto the job for a few more weeks, will blame it all on other people and sooner or later that will be me!

So I told the hiring manager,

“That sounds great! Thank you very much! I look forward to being here first thing Monday morning!”

WTF, right? I need a job.

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2 responses

  1. That is hilarious dude. So I guess you took the job right?!?!

    Like

    March 5, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    • I would have, but Monday came and went and I haven’t heard back. I’ve learned that it is not only important to curb what you say, but it’s also important to control your facial expressions.

      And body language.

      If you are also fighting to control bodily noises, then see a doctor.

      Like

      March 8, 2011 at 7:03 am

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