Where Random Happens


Let me begin this Blago by saying that I’m very comfortable in my sexuality. But I’m also a 49 year old man with a deep voice. So some words just don’t sound right coming out of my mouth.

Taco Bell has this drink that I’m really crazy about. It’s like a Slurpee, but with fruit instead of sugar water.

So I go to Taco Bell and,

She: (smiling) Hello and welcome to Taco Bell! May I take your order?

Me: “Yeah, (I nod my head toward the drink display) I’ll have one of those.”

She: One of what?

Me: (pointing) “That.”

She: (smiling) “I’m sorry?”

At this stage a bunch of thoughts go running through my head until an inner timer goes off telling me to just push the hell through.

Me brain:
What the hell? She can see what I’m pointing at.
Is she stupid?
She just wants me to say it.
I sound stupid saying it.
Could the name sound any more gay?
Shit! I’m taking too long to answer! Time’s up!

Me: (uncomfortably) “I’ll have a Fruitista.”

She: You want a Fruitista. (smiling) What flavor of Fruuteesta would you like?

Me: (dark clouds gather in my head) “The… mango and strawberry.”

She: So you want one mango and strawberry Froo-tista. Would you like to try the mango cream with strawberry?

Me: (eyes narrow) “No.”

She: Would you like some Cinnamon Twists to go with your Frou-tees-ta?

Me: (okay. Now she’s just fucking with me!) “No.”

she: (brightly smiling) Okay, one mango and strawberry Fruu-teas-stah. Will that be cash or charge?

Me: (emasculation complete) “Under the circumstances, I guess it will be my nutsack.”


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