I Can’t Say I’m Sorry
I live in an apartment with my wife and we have a cat. With pets come rituals, habits, things you have to do to see to their needs.
My cat needs to have her litter box scooped out every 24 hours.
Just a routine part of life, right? Why would I write a blago about that?
Like all married couples, my wife and I also like to dance the Mambo. Sometimes though, we get so caught up with doing a particularly … Enthusiastic … Mambo, that afterwards I forgo my nightly OTHER chore of scooping out the catbox and throwing it down the garbage chute in the hall. I mean, that’s not at the top of my list after an exceptionally vigorous night of Mambo.
So this morning my cat wakes me up with a MeOW! And starts pushing her head in my face. I’ve got something to take care of and she needs it done Right Now!
– Cats are ALL about routine! –
So I groggily get some clothes on, go to her box, go through the motions, wind up with a particularly full bag of cat refuse,
This is when I notice (SNIFF) that this particular box of sand has had about all it can take of getting scooped out. It will stand no more (UGH! I usually do a whole box cleaning once a month) which means I have to empty the ENTIRE thing into a big bag and pour in fresh litter.
WHEW! Jesus what a stink!
I trudge down the hall toward the garbage chute, holding my weighty bag of odorific cat litter plus cat shit surprise inside. What a nasty chore!
I open the door to the chute closet, open the chute, and though I hear noises echo up, it doesn’t register with me.
I put the heavy bag in, let it go, and right at that moment I hear someone yell from below…
“Just a minute!”
The hell? Someone is IN the dumpster below?
I reach to grab the top of the bag but it is already tipping over, coming undone, and I can only watch as it falls beyond my grasp and into darkness.
“Wait!” comes from below quickly followed by “Just a! (sound of impact) AUGH! BLEAH! BLE-AH”
I hustle out of the garbage chute closet and back to my apartment. Maybe the guy didn’t see what floor it came from, but if he did, he has about 20 apartments to choose from on my level.
Jeez! I didn’t mean to rain horrible cat sewage down on some poor bastard! I’ve no idea what business he had in the dumpster, but holy shit what a terrible thing to do to a person!
And I didn’t mean to! I was just emptying the garbage! I mean, how in the hell do you apologize for something like that? You don’t dump a whole month worth of rancid ammonia smelling cat sewer on some poor bastard’s head and follow it with a hearty SORR-REEE!!!
So even though I feel really bad for the faceless stranger, I can’t go look for the guy and say I’m sorry. I just can’t!
(Originally posted at my MySpace on Friday, June 19, 2009)